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BREAKING: Senate Republicans Very Proud Of Themselves For Doing A Thing

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Here is some BREAKING news from Senate Republicans, and you know it is BREAKING because it says so, right there.


What is this BREAKING news bipartisanship of which they speak? Let us watch their video, in which we will surely see evidence of Republicans bipartisanshipping with Democrats, in a BREAKING kind of way:

Did you see all the bipartisanship? No, we did not either. We watched the whole damned three-minute video, and we saw the opening clip from Fox News (drink); and then a bunch of Republicans complain about our tax system because taxes are bad; and then Rand Paul whines about Iranian leadership saying things on Twitter; and then some more Republicans say they are trying real hard to Get Things Done, like building the Keystone XL pipeline; and then another clip from Fox News (drink again), in which the world learns that Sen. Pat Roberts's ringtone is "Let It Go"; and dot dot dot, that is the end of the video. Huh.

Maybe Republicans are already celebrating their singular victory of making a deal on Tuesday to finally hold a confirmation vote for attorney general nominee Loretta Lynch. Ya know, after refusing to do that since she was first nominated in November because "other priorities," like refusing to do that.

The most recent other priority has been passing a human trafficking bill, which Democrats have said "nuh uh" to, so long as it expands the Hyde Amendment, to make government funding of abortion even more restricted than it already is, which is a lot because there are, like, eleventeen billionty bills and executive orders saying no government funding of abortion, so that's pretty clear already, ACTUALLY.

So what is this awesome epic so bipartisan deal grown-up Republican grownups made so they can finally find the time to hold the vote on our new attorney general?

Under the deal announced Tuesday, the bill will create two funding streams. The first one flows from fines collected from sex traffickers, and would be used for survivor services excluding health care. This stream would not include Hyde Amendment restrictions. The second one would come from community health center funds that are already subject to the abortion limits.

The deal lets both parties walk away with a solid talking point: Democrats can celebrate that they prevented an expansion of Hyde, while Republicans can say they didn't cave on restricting abortion funds.

That is one heckuva victory for Republicans -- and bipartisanship! -- isn't it? Republicans gave Democrats exactly what they've been demanding on the human trafficking bill, which is to not use it to expand the Hyde Amendment, and Republicans will now stop being dicks for five seconds and allow the Senate to vote on Lynch, just like Democrats have been asking them to do all this time.

But yeah, sure. Bipartisanship. Excellent job, Republicans, we can see why you are so gosh darned proud of yourselves.

[HuffPo]

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Before we get all het up about Donald Trump's press conference with Vladimir Putin, Tucker Carlson says, we need to look at the larger perspective. Maybe Russia hacked us, maybe they didn't, but what about how Mexicans have interfered in our elections for decades just by being born here, huh?

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pic of Butina and her handler via Butina's Twitter

Have you been enjoying the last 24 hours of the mainstream media suddenly realizing there's a Russian intelligence asset in the White House, which is something we at Wonkette have known since October of 2016? Hilarious, right? Anyway, DOJ just found another Russian spy in its big "witch hunt." Her name is Maria Butina and she was arrested on Sunday, because the feds were pretty sure she was about to run. Now she is being held in federal custody without bond.

Butina, who is being called a Russian gun rights activist in the news reels, has been indicted for being a total fucking Russian spy who secretly worked to infiltrate the NRA and use it to create secret back channels between the Kremlin and the Republican party. WITCH HUNT!

Keep one idea in your head during this post, please: There is no such thing as a Russian gun rights activist, at least not in the way that we know it. They do not have a "second amendment" in Russia. It is not a gun culture. And Vladimir Putin's political party certainly isn't trying to Samantha Stephens one into existence! So it would follow that if a "Russian gun nut" is up the NRA's ass trying to create back channels, she is actually just a Russian spy who probably isn't even that good at guns.

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