There it is:

BREAKING: Donald Trump is lying about mail-in voting and claiming fraud, just like his henchman Bill Barr does, because they know that the more that eligible US citizens are allowed to vote, the more that Republicans will lose forever. Trump has admitted this, because he always says the quiet part loud. And now he wants to delay the election, because he's a shitmouthed authoritarian wannabe tyrant who was "elected" under questionable pretenses, has been loathed by large majorities of the American people his entire sham presidency, and now wants to illegally extend his reign.

What else would you expect from a guy who's killed 150,000 Americans in a pandemic (so far) with his malevolent stupidity and negligence?

If you didn't see this coming, welcome to the land of the living.

Hey, is it possible Donald Trump is trying to distract us from something else, by throwing a chew toy to enrage the media and make us fight?


Yeah, it's possible. And another million some-odd unemployment claims. Stock market tanking at the moment. USA! USA! USA! MAGA MAGA MAGA!

Anyway, can Trump do this? Of course not. Can he keep throwing gorilla shit in the gears of our democracy so that a significant portion of the voting public — read: his base — goes into Election Day assuming that anything but a Trump win is illegitimate? Absolutely. Maybe that's what Trump has been talking to Vladimir Putin on the phone about lately, since he's not talking about the Russian bounties.

Everybody knew Trump was going to try this. Joe Biden has been saying Trump was going to try this for months. That's why there have been seven gabillion think-pieces written already about how he actually can't do it. The date of the presidential election is written in the law, and Congress isn't about to do shit to change that or to answer Trump's barely English question "Delay the Election until people can properly, securely and safely vote???" With all due respect, Mister President, GFY.

Here's the thing, though. One of the saving graces of the Trump years is that, as much as he'd like to be a tinpot dictator, he's far too stupid and unfocused to actually accomplish much of the fascism he so craves by his lonesome. But this is who the GOP is now. They have been rigging and skullfucking and attempting to rig and skullfuck elections in various ways for DECADES, most prominently through voter suppression targeting minorities. Overt reacharounds from America's most significant foreign enemy were just a new feature they rolled out in 2016. (And which will feature in 2020 as well.)

They do this because if the people vote, they lose. They have been saying this out loud for YEARSFUCKINGYEARS.

Watch Paul Weyrich, one of the founders of the conservative movement, saying in 1980 that he most certainly does not want everybody to vote:

Paul Weyrich - "I don't want everybody to vote" (Goo Goo) www.youtube.com

They all know this.

They know if they kept counting votes in 2000, Al Gore would have won that election. (He had already won the vote of the people, regardless of what happened in Florida.)

They know that if there were enough polling sites in Georgia and the goddamned fucking machines worked, Stacey Abrams would be governor of Georgia today.

They know that if Russia hadn't ... you know.

Point is, one of these days the GOP might manage to get a fascist in office — Tom Cotton, Josh Hawley, they have a couple of fresh-faced Aryan options — who won't be such a bumblefucking idiot.

Vote them out, vote them all out, never let them win a seat on the fucking school board again, the end.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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