*BREAKING* WHITEWATER FINALLY OVER, CLINTONS THROWN IN JAIL FOREVER AND EVER, NEW WALLFLOWERS ALBUM SHOOTS TO TOP OF CHARTS
Our long national nightmare etc. etc. etc.
The seven-year, $70 million Whitewater investigation that toppled an Arkansas governor and dogged Bill Clinton for most of his presidency officially drew to a close Monday when the U.S. Supreme Court declined to hear the last remaining appeal.
Ah, we miss those carefree days. Back then, a Senator could introduce three bills to censure the President before lunch and no one would bat an eye! Baseless speculation and conspiratorial rambling about the doings of the White House wasn't confined to "viral videos" on the Huffington Post or obscure blogs, they were on the covers of our finest magazines every week and on the editorial pages of our most prestigious papers! Men were men! Women were women! And scandals didn't have to be about anything, they just had to be.
We're going to go curl up with some vintage '90s New York Times -- we still have our yellowed copy of the "document shredding at the Rose Law Firm" page one in the ol' scrapbook.