Alas, there is a caterwaul rising in Outer Wingnuttia, which is unfortunately now Inner Wingnuttia, since this White House considers Breitbart to be A Thing. On Tuesday, Matthew Boyle of Breitbart published a very sad screed about how Congress's bill to fund the government until September (the one where Democrats won all the things and Trump won nothing) doesn't have any moneys in it to build a beautiful, gold-plated wall to keep the Messicans in Messico. SADFACE! STOMPY FOOT! DADDY RACIST TRUMP PROMISED US A PONY! A VERY RACIST PONY THAT WILL BUILD A WALL BETWEEN AMERICA AND THE BROWN PEOPLE!

And even worse, Press Secretary Sean Spicer did a tweet Tuesday where he tried to pretend Daddy is building a wall, which is a big lie, because he didn't even say "wall":

Seriously, Breitbart's Boyle complained that Spicer "explicitly did not call the photos a 'border wall' on his Twitter account," but instead just said "we can build these." Unfair! All the other kids are getting border walls for Christmas and all we get are these dumb gay fences? Fuck that, Breitbart wants to go live with a new Daddy!

But THEN, even worse, a lady from the White House called Breitbart to argue that it IS TOO a border wall, but Breitbart wasn't born yesterday! Don't put Hydrox cookies in their lunchbox and call them Oreos, that's what Breitbart always says!

Spicer directed one of his deputies, Lindsay Walters, to call Breitbart News and pitch the photos in Spicer’s Tweet as a “border wall.” [...]

“There are two types of walls, a levee wall and a bollard wall,” Walters said in a follow-up email. “Both of which will help secure our borders.”

Technically, levee walls—or flood walls—are common parts of levees designed to deal with flooding. The Rio Grande river constitutes much of the U.S.-Mexico border, so levees—and “levee walls” as Walters argued—are a part of that. They are not meant for border security, but rather for flood management.

But, Walters said in a follow-up email that “A bollard wall and levee wall of this scale will prevent illegal immigrants from crossing the border.”

Bullshit! Pout!

Well, Breitbart weirdo White House "reporter" Charlie Spiering (the guy who did THE BEST INTERVIEW EVER with Sean Spicer) asked for clarification during Wednesday's White House briefing, which made Spicey ALL EXCITED, because did you know he brought a slide show about the wall today, just for this very purpose? He brought a slide show about the wall today, just for this very purpose.

Here is some video, for you to LOL at:

BREITBART IDIOT CHARLIE: Why is the government so focused on existing border security measures, rather than fighting for the wall that he promised that he would build?

SEAN SPICER IDIOT: Thank you for the opportunity to show you some things!

Then Spicey made his "joy face," which he doesn't do very often these days:

So Spicer's slide show started, and in it were very sad pictures of fences that had holes in them or you could drive right over, which is awful, because Messicans know how to climb through holes and drive over things. But the next slide showed some exciting new Fence Repairs that are paid for in the new budget! Yay, repairs! Spicer concluded, "That's your answer, Charlie!" but failed to say "WRITE ABOUT THAT, CHARLIE!"

Charlie was not happy:

BREITBART CHARLIE: Just one question about the photos. Are those photos of fences or walls?

LOLOLOL. Continuing:

SPICER: [pointing at pictures] That is called a bollard wall, that is called a levee wall.

BREITBART CHARLIE: So that's the wall the president promised? [...]

SPICER: No, no no. There are various types of walls that can be built. Under the legislation that was just passed, it allows us to do that.


SPICER: [pointing again] That is called a levee wall on the left, that is called a bollard wall.

BREITBART CHARLIE: So that's not a wall, it's a levee wall?

SPICER: That's what it's actually called. That's the name of it.

BREITBART CHARLIE: So you're building FENCING, not a wall.

We can't decide which part of this is making us laugh harder. Is it this stupid semantic argument about WALLS: WHAT EVEN ARE THEY? Is it the part about how Breitbart idiots are crying inside their Underoos because their impotent Daddy President is a big failure who promises special Christmas presents, but doesn't deliver, like a common deadbeat dad? The answer is both parts are hilarious!

Breitbart idiots just KNEW during the campaign that if they elected Trump, this would show up under their Christmas trees in 2017:

And now they're supposed to be happy with these punk-ass fake "walls"? What kind of a wall is this even? A WALL FOR ANTS?

One more hilarious whine:

BREITBART CHARLIE: So you're basically just telling ... the president's supporters to be satisfied with this existing TOUGH GUY FENCING until he's ready to build the wall.

LOL yup. Racist Trump Santa Claus isn't visiting you this year, AND HE MAY NEVER.

Also it is your OPEN THREAD.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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