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We are very sad to report that we saw this shit coming from a mile away:

WHY WON'T THE DODGY DOSSIER STOP MOLESTING CARTER PAGE?


Jim Jordan, of course, is the insanely stupid wingnut congressman from Ohio who screams THE LOUDEST in order to obstruct justice for Donald Trump in the Russia investigation. He is also credibly accused of looking the other way, back when he was a wrestling coach at Ohio State University, while a sports doc literally molested OVER 2,000 GUYS.

So what, exactly, did we see coming from a mile away? When the OSU story came out, we saw that Perkins Coie was representing the school and immediately made a joke in the Wonkette Secret Chatcave about how Perkins Coie also hired Fusion GPS and paid for the work that became known as THE DOSSIER. Look, here is our joke, with a timestamp and everything:

Of course, we really thought that with jocks from OSU making the allegations, that conspiracy shit would stay at InfoWars where it belongs. But instead here is Carter Page, the stupidest literal actual Russian intelligence asset what ever did exist, thanking Jim Jordan for BRAVELY STANDING UP against CARTER PAGE GETTING MOLESTED BY LAW FIRMS.

Page's tweet links to a story at Dead Breitbart, one of those posts where they play cute like they are doing normal reporting, and then they just let the human wet farts in their comments section connect the dots:

NEW YORK — Perkins Coie, the law firm obtained by Ohio State University to probe molestation allegations by former student wrestlers against their team doctor, paid the controversial Fusion GPS firm to produce the largely discredited, infamous anti-Trump dossier that sparked collapsed claims that President Trump's 2016 campaign colluded with Russia.

Perkins Coie has also been the law firm for the Democratic National Committee (DNC) and represented Hillary Clinton's 2016 presidential campaign.

FUSION GPS DOSSIER HILLARY DNC DEEP STATE BENGHAZI!!!@!1!!!!1

Breitbart continues, adding the important journalism details the Fake News media refuses to share, or shares in the wrong paragraph:

Not until the 37th paragraph does the article inform readers that the firm in question is Perkins Coie.

THEY COUNTED.

The NBC News article entirely fails to report that Perkins Coie represented both the DNC and Clinton's 2016 presidential campaign.

Because ... it's not relevant? Because Perkins Coie has well over a thousand attorneys on staff at 19 locations around the country, and on top of representing the DEMON-CRATS and HIT-LERY, has represented Microsoft, Amazon.com, Starbucks, Costco, Craigslist, Google, Facebook, Intel, Twitter, AT&T, Zillow, REI, Intellectual Ventures, UPS, Barack Obama, Expedia, Safeco, T-Mobile, Dale Chihuly, Quora and Nintendo, according to Wikipedia? Because gigantic law firms OFTEN HAVE MULTIPLE CLIENTS?

The story deeply examines all the Republican conspiracy theories about THE DOSSIER and the DEEP STATE, before finally mentioning at the end of the irredeemably long article that Jim Jordan allegedly participated in a cover-up that involved a sports doctor MOLESTING OVER 2,000 GUYS AT OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY. We guess that's just not the part of this story that really alarms Breitbart. Then again, Republicans were also cool with Roy Moore being a credibly accused child molester, so this is par for the course.

All this just goes to show that there is literally no conspiracy theory too stupid for these morons to latch onto, even conspiracy theories we made up in the Wonkette chatcave AS A FUCKING JOKE.

Oh hey look, Jim Jordan believes in the conspiracy theory too!

A fourth former wrestler has come forward to say Jordan totally knew about the abuse. And a fifth one. The Deep State just won't stop, will it?!

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT NOW, DO IT RIGHT NOW!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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