Breitbart Watch: Loyal Breitbart Readers Boycott Kellogg's Products, Still A Bunch Of Froot Loops Anyway

When niche marketing goes too far

You know what wingnuts hate more than anything? Weak whiners who are constantly whining about being discriminated against, like the Blacks, or the Messispanics, or the homosexxicans, or the womenfolk. They are utterly sick of all that "identity politics" out there, and just want an America where all white people are treated equally. So of course it only stands to reason that when the Kellogg's breakfast cereal company decided -- voting with its advertising dollars -- that it would no longer advertise on the Breitbart website, the folks at Dead Breitbart's Home For Eternal Butthurt started howling about how the big mean cereal company was committing the greatest hate crime since the corporate murder of the Frito Bandito, and demanded a boycott of the nasty makers of crunchy breakfast foods:

And oh, good golly, did they ever offer a fine old snit:

Kellogg Co. announced on Tuesday its decision to pull ads from conservative media giant because its 45,000,000 monthly conservative readers are not “aligned with our values as a company.” In response, Breitbart News, one of the world’s top news publishers, has launched a #DumpKelloggs petition and called for a boycott of the ubiquitous food manufacturer.

The decision by Kellogg’s, which makes Pringles, Eggo waffles, as well as Special K and Frosted Flakes cereals, among others, will make virtually no revenue impact on It does, however, represent an escalation in the war by leftist companies like Target and Allstate against conservative customers whose values propelled Donald Trump into the White House

Ah, yes, it's Culture War in the shopping cart all over again. Now, maybe there really are 45 million Americans reading Breitbart monthly, although we rather doubt they're all conservatives -- Hi, Kellogg's, we at Wonkette don't mind at all, because we only go there to make fun of them. But it's good to know who the victims of hate are here: poor oppressed wingnuts, who never seem to get a break from the elitist cereal makers.

We suspect the Breitcott will be about as effective in reining in Kellogg's rampant hate speech as all those boycotts by the 47 women who called themselves the Million Moms -- a month or two will go by, Breitbart will declare victory, and somewhere in there, a YouTube video will surface of some poor stock clerk being screamed at for participating in the globalist plot against American Values. Breitbart even posted an online petition/pledge thing (which will incidentally get you on their email list forever), which doesn't seem to recognize one simple fact: Hyperbole is worse than Hitler.

Yup. "If you serve Kellogg’s products to your family, you are serving up bigotry at your breakfast table.” And if you eat a bagel, you're helping the international Jewish banking conspiracy.

The counter on the pledge sheet lists 145,200 potential cereal killers so far, which we'll have to admit is way more than the nearly 35,000 people who signed a White House petition to build a Death Star, so perhaps that's an impressive turnout for the first day of a boycott. Plenty of people on Twitter are promising to buy more Kellogg's products, so it's difficult to say how well the effort to bring Tony the Tiger and Snap, Crackle and Pop to their knees will succeed. It may be worth noting, however, that after wingnuts called for a boycott of Hamilton after the cast politely asked Veep-Elect Mike Pence to respect diversity (those monsters!), the already popular musical set new ticket sales records.

Pro-tip to people planning to put their Kellogg's products to the torch: Remember that sugary cereal can be rather vigorously flammable, as was discovered a few years back by this gent who tried to punish General Mills for supporting marriage equality:

Oh, those flaming heterosexuals!


Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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