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Brer Walnuts Gwine Larn Dat Tar Baby

While the Main Stream Media continues to ignore the fact that John WALNUTS! McCain is a deranged old man who will blow up the planet if he somehow becomes president, they're all over his "straight talk" about the Tar Baby. Here's the video:


What to make of this possible outrage? We'll investigate with Uncle Remus, after the jump.

Politicians tend to be weird old guys who jabber in the most arcane manner possible, which is why beloved leaders such as Mitt Romney, Tony Snow and John Kerry like to talk about the Tar Baby so much. To them, a Tar Baby is a mess you don't want to touch, or a trap specifically set to get you stuck. They got this crazy idea from the plantation stories told by slaves and collected by Joel Chandler Harris in the late 1800s.

The stories are narrated by "Uncle Remus," who Chandler makes speak in a southern black slave dialect he swore was accurate. They're also impossible to understand because nobody has talked this way in a hundred years, so we'll summarize it -- in Today's Simple English!

The Wonderful Tar Baby

This fox wanted to cause problems for a rabbit, so he made a doll out of tar. The rabbit saw the doll and assumed it was a black baby fathered by John McCain, so he kicked the shit out of it -- but he got all stuck in the tar. The fox was glad racism had ended. The End.

McCain uses 'Tar Baby' [CNN]

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