Donate

Smart!


It was just another day at the office at Bristol Palin Writin' Stuff Real Good Industries, LLC. Bristol was mad, because her personal assistant had gotten her lunch order wrong. Two KFC Double Downs, a bottle of Boone's Farm and a pack of Virginia Slim ultra-light MENTHOL 120's, HOW HARD IS IT TO REMEMBER MENTHOL? She opened her laptop, turned the baby monitor on, stuck her headphones in and checked her mom's Facebook page for the latest headlines:

HAHA *cough* HAHAHAHA, said Bristol, looking at the meme her mom posted, as the ashen remains of the cherry of her cigarette fell on the carpet. She clicked the link, and became outraged. ESPN fired that nice sports man Curt Schilling just for posting a this politically incorrect meme about transgenders?

Bristol started a blog post, and the words came spilling out:

You may have seen that ESPN commentator Curt Schilling was either fired or suspended for commenting about the above meme:

“A man is a man no matter what they call themselves. I don’t care what they are, who they sleep with, men’s room was designed for the penis, women’s not so much. Now you need laws telling us differently? Pathetic.”

In other words, he got in trouble for stating an obvious fact.

Men are men.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/589536/looks-like-god-knocked-up-bristol-palin-again"></a>[/wonkbar]Bristol Palin knows about men. They are the ones what knock on her bedroom window in the night and then nine months later, after such an odd sort of weight gain, God blesses her with a baby. Men have fun doohickeys in their pants, and Bristol suspects they might be related to the whole "baby" thing, but you never know if you can trust lamestream biology textbooks.

Bristol has a 'gina. Ladies have 'ginas. That person in Curt Schilling's picture doesn't have a 'gina, Bristol doesn't think. She lit a second cigarette and continued writing:

This reminds me of how Phil Robertson was treated on Duck Dynasty for merely expressing his beliefs. Shame on both companies for punishing their good employees for speaking their mind.

Bristol's grammar is questionable, but we think she means how Phil Robertson of "Duck Dynasty" was treated after his redneck ass said all kinds of anti-gay shit in GQ and the free market launched boycotts against his redneck ass show. Then A&E suspended the show and redneck ass motherfuckers decided to boycott the network.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/565182/duck-dynasty-guy-has-a-penis-not-a-girl-thingy"></a>[/wonkbar]Phil obviously survived, and went on to memorably reassure women everywhere that when they're applying their Maybelline in the bathroom, he won't be in there with them, playing with his quacking dick.

Bristol was still mad, bro. She went to the kitchen and stuck a few Hot Pockets in the microwave for her son Tripp's dinner, and immediately forgot about them. She typed some more:

How can someone get fired, or suspended, or reprimanded at all – for simply stating that a man is a man?! We don’t live in some la la unicorn utopia. Enough with this walking on eggshells bs about touchy subjects.

There are great people from all walks of life. No one is saying transgender people are bad people. I think people with common sense are saying that no matter what, people will abuse the system (like many Americans nowadays). Some men who are clearly men will take advantage of the situation and invite themselves into the women’s bathroom.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/600915/did-a-transgender-try-to-watch-pat-robertson-poop"></a>[/wonkbar]It wasn't like Bristol hated transgenders. Hell, she was just watching "The 700 Club" and listening to Pat Robertson say how once in a while there is a man who is stuck inside a lady's body, and he didn't mean like that one time when it was real dark and Bristol's ex-fiance Dakota grabbed a tube of super glue off the nightstand, thinking it was KY Jelly. (STILL paying off that hospital bill.)

But Bristol agreed when Pat said most of the so-called transgenders are just burly dudes in dresses trying to peekaboo some lady privates, and that is NOT OK in her book.

Bristol was sick of "working," so she copy/pasted a long bullshit rant from Curt Schilling about how unfair life is and published her blog post.

She flipped on "Judge Mathis," lay down on the couch, and had only just started to guffaw, "Take that, you triflin' bitch!" at the TV screen, when she smelled smoke coming out of the kitchen.

"Dinner's ready, Tripp!"

[Bristol's thing she calls a blog / Sarah's Facebook thing]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

$
Donate with CC

Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc