British Tea Party To Launch With Protestations, Crumpets, Wickets, Crickets And Figs!


Good Friday-time, colonies! England, Land of Kings, would like to participate in what shallst now be titled, Thine Gloubal Tea Party Ninny Knickers Movement. The British Tea Party component shallst launch its first Proutestation this Saturday, and shallst be led by SirTelegraph Writer Human Daniel Hannan, a "British fiscal conservative." Actual tea shallst be there, unless certain Bostonian riff-raffs, wooled in uncouth Savage Knickers, destroy their tea again.

Mister Hannan The Leader explains:

Labour has raised more than a trillion pounds in additional taxation since 1997. Yet, unbelievably, Gordon Brown has still managed to run up a deficit of 12.6 per cent of GDP (Greeceā€™s is 12.7 per cent). A far lower level of taxation brought Americans out in spontaneous protest last year.

Hmm... let's suggest this is not the most accurate read of our American Tea Bagger movement? Get rid of that word, "spontaneous," for starters. Then remember that the teabaggers' protest came almost immediately after Barack Obama signed the largest middle-class tax cut in history, affecting 95% of Americans.

"Race" also played a factor, according to radical Internet liberals.

So just don't even try to out-crazy our wingnuts, Lobsterbacks, got it? OOOOH MUMMY MUMMY PRIME MINISTER GORDON CHUMMINGTON TOOKETH MY NINNY-NINNY GOLDEN MONEY FARTHINGS, MUMMY MUMMY SAVE ME MUMMY, whatever. Try speaking American for once.

British Tea Party Movement to Launch on Saturday [Telegraph]

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The Church of Scientology had some thoughts about Our Robyn's piece, Who Wants To Watch A Creepy White Guy Rap About Scientology? We had some thoughts about their thoughts.

Thanks for writing in, Scientology! As you doubtless realized when you didn't demand we take down our story, but requested it instead, our opinions of your weird cult and that poor young man's rap skills are protected by the First Amendment. (I learned about libel law in college and grad school but also on the job: I was in newspapers so long that I was actually colleagues with Tony Ortega -- about whom you sound quite "venomous" and "biased" -- at the very same newspaper chain you can't believe he defended! Next up, please show your due diligence by talking trash about a woman you didn't know was my mom.)

Also, a lot of your former members say on the record that you kidnap people, and stalk them, and harass them, and sometimes beat them up good, and I request that if so, fucking stop it.

The rest of you click the headline, if you want your OPEN THREAD.

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Monday's Trump-Putin press conference landed on the entire free world like a hot treason-shaped turd, didn't it? Congressional Republicans have been saying mean things about it on Twitter, and even Fox News has been less than 100% supportive! The White House communications department obviously knew it had a crisis on its hands, what with how it's generally considered inappropriate for the leader of the free world to get on all fours in front of the Russian president and wag his tail and slobber with anticipation while he awaits his next marching orders. WOMP WOMP, etc.

So the comms department typed up a thing for the president to read aloud today at the beginning of his meeting with members of Congress, about how he was VERY SORRY he said one word incorrectly during the Putin presser. That's right, only one word of that whole fucking shitshow was wrong. All the rest of his traitor words were exactly what he meant to say.

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