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Broward County Once Again Sucks At Life, Finds 963 Ballots In Some Warehouse

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We almost went a day without a "stupid Florida" story. Almost.


In case you have already forgotten and moved on, there was an election eight days ago, and going into it everybody was quite fixated on a small number of states, Florida being one of them. As it turned out, Florida didn't matter because Obama got 7 billion out of the required 270 electoral votes.

And as that turned out, it was very lucky, because Florida didn't finish counting its votes until the weekend after, by which time Romney had already canceled his campaign staff's credit cards and gone home to wallow in his swimming pool full of gold coins.

And as that turned out, it was quite lucky as well, because Broward County just found almost a thousand uncounted ballots sitting in a damn warehouse. Serendipity!

People are deeply embarrassed over this, right WSVN?

The supervisor of elections, Dr. Brenda Snipes, said this happens all the time, especially when dealing with paper ballots... Snipes noted that it is a routine thing to look for these kind of mishaps after election night and she is just glad that they are now being tallied into that final count.

Ah. Ok. So it's totally normal to be finding people's ballots more than a week after the election is over, and "this happens all the time." Say... this Snipes lady sounds familiar. Could she also be the one who presided over crazy vote-tally discrepancies last week, where minority polling places saw votes disappear? Yes! The Snipeses are the same person! A+, BroCo. Solid effort.

Still, though, they just found a loooad of ballots. Is this not reason for alarm?!

Snipes said there is no reason for alarm.

Oh.

"I've run several elections here, and this election was run no different than any other," she said.

Well, at least they are learning from their mistakes. What's that? She's still blabbering? Well then, by all means...

"I think the difference with this election is that there was a close race between the two presidential candidates, and there was pressure put on everyone, including our office, to get all of the votes, count, count, count, so you don't have an opportunity to check every box that comes back because you got to get what you got in hand and get it out of there, so if the voters would rather that we kind of sit back and relax and then clean up and find ballots. Then I think they would really be very upset."

It's not clear that even she understands what she is saying there, but it appears to loosely translate to "We were so busy counting votes that we neglected to count votes," which is... understandable? At least now they can chill out for a minute and count the votes, which always goes well in Florida. Yup. Never been a problem counting votes down there — that "hanging chad" thing was allll a dreeeeam.

Also a dream: The District 18 race, in which Congressman Allen West appears to have lost to Reasonable Human Patrick Murphy. We are still stuck saying "appears to have," because St. Lucie County hath shat the bed counting its paper ballots. They're "re-feeding" early votes cast before election day, because there is no legal provision for a recount, but they still buggered it up pretty bad. We'll let BradBlog tell you how it's going:

On Sunday, election officials in St. Lucie County, Florida re-tallied votes from the last three days of Early Voting, citing what county officials described cryptically as "an issue with the memory cards that record the ballots when they're fed through the machines originally." ...

Following Sunday's re-tally, both candidates reportedly lost votes. West lost 132 votes while Murphy lost an extraordinary 667, for an overall pickup by West of some 535 votes.

Yes. They recounted a bunch of ballots, and both candidates had net losses. They are just making it up now, which is why we have not yet published our Wonket eulogy for The Colonel, even though we have been dreaming of it since February.

Anyway, it is fabulous news that Broward County has found these ballots, as it can now settle the recounts in its local elections, which are totally legit, still. And once that's done, everybody can forget about this mess and get back to being mean to Muslims.

Check out Wonkette on Facebook and Twitter, and, if you're really excited, Rich Abdill is on Facebook and Twitter too.

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Guys, it's been one more shit day in a shit week in the fifth shit month of another shit Trump year. Which is why I need to remind you that it's not ALL shit out there! Oh, sure, it's MOSTLY shit, but you know what isn't shit? YR WONKETTE, and the strange community of strange internet people who have made getting through all this shit a bit more tolerable, that's who and what. Which is why you should give us money, so we can keep whanging away at the walls of shit with our shovels and laughing at the shit getting all over, because one of these days we will get it all cleaned up or at least not be up to our waists in shit, and we can all laugh about what a crazy fight it was, as St. Molly Ivins always kept reminding us.

In case you're new here, let me just remind you that Wonkette literally got me, Yr Dok Zoom, out of what wasn't quite poverty, but was pretty much paycheck-to-paycheck desperation. I started reading the site shortly before Barack Obama was elected, began commenting sometime in his first term, and submitted a story tip to Rebecca a few months after she bought the site for 47 dollars and a sandwich (I now understand it was a bit more than that). It was Memorial Day 2012, and she wrote back she was busy with some "stupid thing I have to do for some muneez," but would I like to try writing a blog post myself? "I understand if you say FUCK NO. But maybe you are thinking FUCK YES?" And then she warned me she paid only in Ameros. I did, the post was forgettable but OK, and then I wrote a thing (borrowed from now long-lost comments) that went semi-viral, and suddenly I was that hottest thing in publishing, a freelancer!

In less than a year, Rebecca asked you all to buy me to be your very own pet blogger, and my life suddenly became incredibly good, like as good as an Abba song. It's as good as "Dancing Queen." Thanks to the timing of the whole thing (and to Barry Obama and Nancy Pelosi), I actually had health insurance for the first time in years, a not inconsiderable thing. And you had an Editrix who was not working 12 hour days six and a half days a week and drinking too much from stress. Your continued donations helped hire Evan full time and Robyn and Bianca part time and a whole raft of freelancers, and now Rebecca is down to eight-hour days, five and a half days a week, and drinking because there's a madman in the White House and everything's terrible.

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There is a very normal article circulating on the internet right now by a fella named Don Boys (that's not the joke, the jokes are coming), who is both an insane batshit preacher, and also an insane batshit former member of the Indiana House of Representatives. (Also sometimes he blogs at the Daily Caller about how Mike Pence really went balls deep into the gay agenda when he swore in that insane batshit gay guy Rick Grenell as America's ambassador to Germany.)

This article, of course, is about Pete Buttigieg, because what are anti-gay buffoons obsessed with right now? Pete Buttigieg. Boys (still his name) is primarily concerned not with the simple fact that Buttigieg is gay, but with how gay Buttigieg really is. IN THE SEX WAY!

Well, Don, since you asked!

Shall we dive into this thing without the proper prophylactics? We shall.

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