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Ready for your Monday Morning Moron Maelstrom? Forgive the goofy alliteration -- we just read Jerome Corsi's defamation complaint against Roger Stone, and NOW WE IZ DUM. Apparently, Roger has been saying mean stuff about Jerry, in a blatant attempt to cause his old pal "to have heart attacks and strokes," rendering him unable to testify in Stone's criminal trial. When Roger calls him an alcoholic Deep State plant, it hurts Jerry's wee fee fees. Plus it besmirches his good name and makes it hard for Jerry to flog his very serious literary works arglebargling about Hillary Clinton murdering Donald Trump with Obama's fraudulent birth certificate and John Kerry's fake Purple Hearts. And so Roger Stone must now remit $25,000,000 henceforth, forthwith, and hereinafter, as is only right and proper under the law. HE CAN HAZ MUNNEE NOW, PLZ?

Far be it from us to hop out of the car and referee this bumfight in the nation's strip mall parking lot, but in fact Rog and Jer do have legitimate beef. See Corsi, Stone, and wingnut loons Randy Credico and Ted Malloch (because, shit, why not!) were all trying to snuggle up to stinky cat lady Julian Assange during the 2016 election. Russian hackers were using WikiLeaks to weaponize stolen emails against the Clinton campaign, and the Aging Rascals Gang wanted in on the action. On August 26, Stone predicted that Clinton campaign manager John Podesta's emails would be in the next Wikileaks dump, and he turned out to be more or less right.


Stone had been going around bragging that he and Assange were BFFs and blabbing his contacts with Russian sock puppet Guccifer 2, but when the Russia investigation got going, he realized his mouth might have talked him into a wee spot of bother. So he and Jerome Corsi concocted a back story about a research memo where Corsi "figured out" that Podesta's time in the proverbial barrel was nigh.

The Wall Street Journal reports:

Mr. Stone has long said his tweet was related to the lobbying activities of Mr. Podesta and his brother Tony, and that it was inspired by research done for him by Mr. Corsi in mid-August. He denies having advance knowledge about the acquisition of Mr. Podesta's emails by WikiLeaks.

Mr. Corsi, a longtime acquaintance of Mr. Stone, is contradicting that version of events. He said in an interview Tuesday that Mr. Stone called him on Aug. 30, 2016—nine days after the tweet—and asked Mr. Corsi for help in creating an "alternative explanation" for it.

Shortly after that conversation, Mr. Corsi said he began writing a memo for Mr. Stone about Mr. Podesta's business dealings. In the following months, both Mr. Stone and Mr. Corsi said the memo was the inspiration for his tweet, even though it was in fact written afterward, Mr. Corsi said.

When Corsi testified to Congress, he told them some version of the truth. He stuck to his bullshit story about divine inspiration, but didn't lie about the timeline -- which was probably a smart move, since the feds seized his hard drive, and reconstructing all the emails he'd gotten his stepson to delete didn't exactly require a master forensics team. And if you doubt him, Jerome Corsi has a perfectly good explanation, which is that Robert Mueller's prosecutor Jeannie Rhee is a vile strumpet. Thank Crom for Jeff Toobin at The New Yorker, who read Corsi's ridiculous book so we don't have to.

I was shocked to see that Rhee was wearing what appeared to be an expensive, possibly designer-made see-through blouse. Maybe my seventy-two years were showing but I had never imagined any woman would appear before a grand jury exposing her breasts to public view through a see-through blouse. I decided to refrain from detailed observation of her obviously visible anatomy, deciding instead to concentrate on maintaining eye contact when addressing her that morning.

JEROME CORSI SEES BOOBIES.

And lest we forget, Corsi is suing the Mueller investigation for $250,000,000 because they slandered his good name by saying his "vision from God" story was bullshit.

But back to Stone, who testified to Congress in September 2017 that Corsi's research memo preceded the tweet, a lie for which he has now been charged in the multiple-count Mueller indictment filed on January 25, 2019. So now Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumbass are in a flame war because Corsi can, and apparently will, corroborate the perjury charge against Stone.

Hence ... this idiotic lawsuit filed by Larry Klayman, of course. Because Roger Stone reveres unsavory "Mafia figures," so when he goes on Infowars and says, "Your whole birther thing is used as a club to destroy conservatives ... I look forward to our confrontation. I will demolish you. You're a fraudster, out of your alcoholic haze you have made up lies about David Jones [Alex Jones's dad - Ed.] and Alex Jones and Roger Stone and now I suspect they want you to lie about the President," it is obviously a threat to murder Jerome Corsi with heart attacks.

Thus, given his admiration for persons such as these, particularly Mafia figures, his actions as pled herein can be taken as threats, as well as being defamatory. And, Plaintiff Corsi is 72 years old. Defendant Stone's intentional infliction of emotional distress and coercion and threats are intended to try even cause Plaintiff Corsi to have heart attacks and strokes, in order that Plaintiff will be unable to testify at Stone's criminal trial.

Corsi is SUPER pissed about the January 18, 2019, broadcast of Stone's show on InfoWars. (No, we're not digging you up a link to that video because, hard fuckin' pass.) After downing a potent cocktail of Courvoisier and Z-SHIELD (allegedly!), Stone proceeded to meangirl all over his former compadre.

17. At 2:09 in the InfoWars Video, Defendant Stone falsely publishes that Plaintiff Corsi was "fired from World Net Daily."

18. At 2:27 in the InfoWars Video, Defendant Stone falsely and misleadingly publishes that, "He (Corsi) was perfectly willing to lie, to perjure himself saying that a memo that he had wrote me was written on the 30th for the purposes of cover-up…. which is further proof that Jerry lied under oath."

19. At 2:55 in the InfoWars Video, Defendant Stone falsely and misleadingly publishes, "and then states that I knew about John Podesta's emails being stolen in advance, the only proof of that is Jerry's feeble alcohol affected memory – it's a lie….

Plus a bunch more blahblahblah. Corsi is Judas Iscariot, yaddayadda. Jerome Corsi HAZ A SAD.

Also, while he's accusing Stone of defaming him, Doctor Corsi would like to suggest without proof that perhaps Ol' Roger is engaged in a scheme to defraud the government by hiding money in overseas accounts. As one does.

Awarding Plaintiff Corsi compensatory including actual, consequential, incidental and punitive damages for malicious tortious conduct in an amount to be determined at trial and in excess of $25, 000,000 U.S. Dollars. While Stone feigns being financially destitute as a result of his legal problems and uses this to raise money for his legal defense fund, on information and belief he is wealthy, perhaps hiding his wealth in overseas bank accounts.

There's a whole lot more, including some illiterate gibbering about maybe adding wingnut luminaries Chuck Ross, Owen Stroyer, Cassandra Fairbanks, and Alex Jones as co-defendants in Corsi's defamation suit. WHAT. EVER. Corsi is alleging defamation, intentional infliction of emotional distress and assault because Roger Stone likes to watch mob movies, so when he calls you names, it probably means he's about to have you whacked, we guess, who the hell knows.

Now The People may be represented by two separate but equally important groups, but Roger Stone and Jerome Corsi are not. DUN DUN! Stone is represented by well-known First Amendment lawyer Bruce Rogow (who has also represented the Trump Org, natch), IRL serious lawyer Peter Farkas in DC, and a team of NOT IDIOTS in Florida. Corsi is represented by ... Larry Klayman, who recently requested to submit an amicus brief in Roger Stone's criminal case on Corsi's behalf. Neither Stone's lawyers nor the special counsel's Office have gotten around to responding to the request yet, presumably because they spent the weekend trying to find their eyeballs after they rolled so hard they fell out.

Judge Amy Berman Jackson is considering a gag order to stop Stone from poisoning the witness pool, and Jerome Corsi wants her to know that he is totes in favor of it. As proof he is in grave danger of being heart attacked to death by Stone, Corsi cites one CNN article and his own pleading. Because Larry Klayman is the bestest lawyer in all the land!

Defendant Stone is attempting to smear, defame, and discredit, tamper and threaten Dr. Corsi so that when Dr. Corsi is called as a witness, the jurors will have a false impression of Dr. Corsi as a liar, perjurer, and alcoholic. This would, obviously, improperly and unethically benefit Defendant Stone. In fact, Defendant Stone's targeted efforts to defame, coerce, intimidate and threaten Dr. Corsi have resulted in a lawsuit filed in the U.S. District Court for the District of Columbia, which is attached hereto as Exhibit A and incorporated by reference. Should this Court have any doubt as to Defendant Stone's improper motivations and already implemented and continuing designs to taint the jury venire, the content and article written by Sara Murray and Sam Fossum titled, Roger Stone, facing gag order, launches counterattack, should put any such doubts to bed.

Oh, Christ! The stupid InfoWars video popped up in our browser from some link in the pleading. FINE, KNOCK YOURSELVES OUT.

Because we are done with these chucklefucks and their bullshit. Good day, Sir! WE SAID GOOD DAY!

[Corsi-Stone Docs / WSJ / New Yorker / Silent No More: How I Became a Political Prisoner of Mueller's "Witch Hunt"]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.

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