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Ha! We get a tip that says "oh, good grief" with a link to some page called "Support Burris," and we figured it was just some dumb petition to try to keep Roland Burris in office even though his 15 minutes as Senate Clown from Illinois are up. But no, Roland Burris's ambitions appear to extendfar beyond maintaining the most tenuous of grips on his two-year Senate appointment.


Back when he first came into office, there was some discussion about whether he'd have to promise not to run in 2010. And Burris, not being a complete moron, agreed to no such thing. So maybe it's no surprise that he's already raising funds and gathering email addresses in anticipation of a run next year, except for the part where basically every person in Illinois has already asked him to resign.

Plus, politicians are always gathering "re-elect person X" dollars so that they can fund various not-election-related things, right? (What, you think we're campaign finance EXPERTS here?) So again, not surprising that he has one of these web sites since everybody else does.

Another option: this site is all a terrible hoax, a joke site set up by like Newt Gingrich or haxxorz who want to take the money of the most gullible people in America: Roland Burris supporters. That would somehow be a relief.

Roland Burris for U.S. Senate

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Blanket Disclaimer: Spitting on anybody is dead wrong. Even if it's a Trump.

Still, Eric Trump got to eat a tiny slice of the shit pie women, minorities, poors, disabled, and all of the other people who are deemed "takers" or who come from "shithole countries" experience at some point in their lives: He got spit on. By a woman, according to Breitbart (no link), because we are evil. Woe unto the wealthy white man! Wealthy white men are some of the most abused and marginalized people in the Universe, according to wealthy white men, and Eric Trump is no exception. Please cry for wealthy white men, ok you can stop now. Another group of Americans that are constantly abused, marginalized, and even denied their rights by the very same type of wealthy men that spawn such men as Eric Trump, are called "women." And apparently we are mean as fuck now.

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Well folks, we think we have a geopolitical relations first for an American president. We might need to consult with Doris Kearns Goodwin or Kevin Kruse, but we cannot recall a time one of America's purported enemies OR friends has called the president of the United States "retarded" or anything along those lines. We remember leaders hating American presidents. We remember them recoiling like UGH GET OFF ME when an American president tried to give them a friendly sensual love massage during the G8. We remember them literally attacking our democratic elections in order to prevent the inaugurations of potential presidents they despise and fear. But we don't remember anything like this.

President Hassan Rouhani of Iran, commenting on Donald Trump after the Trump administration threw some new sanctions at Iran on Monday:

Iran warned Tuesday that new U.S. sanctions targeting its supreme leader and other top officials meant "closing the doors of diplomacy" between Tehran and Washington amid heightened tensions, even as President Hassan Rouhani derided the White House as being "afflicted by mental retardation."

Here is the full quote, in case you were wondering if something was lost in translation, like that time Vladimir Putin called Trump "brilliant" and Trump was so excited he left a ring of orange jizz around the bathtub, but what Putin actually said in Russian more accurately translates as "colorful" or "shiny." There's no confusion here:

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