Bush Bravely Vows To Kill Everyone In Bridge Collapses

'Things are going to slide, slide in all directions ...' - WonketteGeorge W. Bush has boldly denounced congressional proposals to raise gas taxes enough to pay for fixing America's thousands of bridges that are about to collapse, saying "That's not the right way to prioritize the people's money." The American Society of Civil Engineers said in a recent report that fixing the United States' crumbling infrastructure would cost $1.6 trillion -- or roughly the amount of taxpayers' money spent so far in Iraq to such great effect.

Meanwhile, bridges everywhere continue crumbling and falling:

* A 4.5 quake north of Los Angeles this morning has forced closure of a six-lane bridge after sheriff's deputies found falling concrete and cracks.

* A 100-foot newbridge span collapsed this morning in Mesa, Arizona.

* 73,784 bridges in the United States are classified as "structurally deficient," just like the I-35 bridge in Minneapolis.

* Pedricktown Bridge in southern New Jersey has been closed because it looks like it's going to collapse.

* OMG authorities have even closed "a century-old wooden bridge over Raccoon Creek."


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