America's president, George W. Bush, was supposed to go to a fundraiser today but he had to stay home and send Dick Cheney in his stead to stand around the buffet table and shovel shrimp cocktail into his pockets. Why? Because of the economy, which George Bush is "concerned" about! He even talked about it, on the teevee.

We missed his 30-second television address because we were too busy typing about kangaroo rats on the moon, but apparently he stood outside the Oval Office and said "Yeah America we are fucked, I do not know what to do, but we are working hard to wreck the economy!" Here are some actual quotes from his very informative address:

• "The American people are concerned about the situation in our financial markets and our economy. And I share their concerns."
• "The markets are adjusting."
• "I can't tell you where this ends. I wish that I could."

At which point everyone in America who bothered to watch this tragedy collectively shat their pants, and then the president disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving behind a basket of kittens for everyone to look at.

Bush says he's working hard on economic turmoil [AP]