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Business Insider To Minimum Wage-Slaves: Have You Tried *Not* Being Poor?? An Info-Graphic!

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This infographic from Business Insider is nearly as good as that one where McDonald's advised its employees to take vacations for stress.


Like this fun calculation where there are no state, payroll, county, city or municipality taxes

But they're giving us a handy set of tips! Let's all learn something today, kids!

First off, live in a cheap city. Not one of those non-cheap ones. (We assume you must live in a city though.)

Next, find a unicorn and ask it to lead you to the plentiful housing that's not in slum condition for under $600 a month.

Once you've moved to a place without decent public transport, you'll want to bike to work. Employers love when you show up soaked in sweat!

A good tip is to cancel your bespoke grocery boxes and your premium entertainment subscriptions. Stop buying Balenciaga bags, too. Savings!

Elon Musk once ate a lot of ramen, so try becoming a vegetarian! But don't buy too many vegetables. Ramen is all the nutrition you need!

Buy a high-deductible health plan! We are giving out sound financial advice around here! Preventative, prescription, vision, dental: frills.

That Balenciaga joke? Not a joke, turns out! You'll have to give up being one of those famous high-fashion poor people. It'll hurt, we know.

Take your ramen to a park! Talk to your friends! Literally take a hike, people! Learn what really counts: mindfulness and gratitude.

Once you spend all your time eating ramen in parks you'll be able to pay off your many lines of unsecured credit! Get a Vanguard fund.

Invest in yourself by selling your furniture on Craigslist and driving your bike for Uber! You'll be in a park anyway, who needs a bed?

And finally, kids, always remember: the problem isn't stagnant wages and rising costs. It's that you're just not trying hard enough.

[BusinessInsider]

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BREAKING ACHTUNG EVERYBODY CRY AND PANIC AND HAVE ROLLICKING SEXUAL INTERCOURSE, BECAUSE ROBERT MUELLER DID THE THING.

We don't know what the thing means yet, but we know that he gave the thing to Attorney General Bill Barr, who is presumably looking at the thing right now. Donald Trump is at Mar-a-Lago, so he does not have the thing, because NO THING FOR ILLEGITIMATE PRESIDENTS. Studies show that according to sources close to the investigation who may or may not be close to the investigation, we might have some real information on what is inside the thing sometime this weekend.

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Whatcha doin' down there at Mar-a-Lago, Mister Normal President Of America?

OK ... huh?

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