'Cadet Bone Spurs' Not Even Trying To Fake It. Wonkagenda For Mon., Jan. 22, 2018
Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today, but first here's an ADORABLE blackfooted kitten!
Even though the Senate might be trying to get its shit together, House Republicans are rallying behind Paul Ryan and denying Democrats any negotiations, then shoving every conservative House member in front of a cable news camera to bitch about the military.
Tammy Duckworth tried to pass legislation that would have allowed for the military to receive paychecks, but was shot down by Republicans, prompting her to deride hypocritical Republicans and "Cadet Bone Spurs's" five draft-dodging deferments.
The shutdown could have drastic consequences now that the Democrats have grown a spine, setting up any number of future showdowns and shutdowns in the not too distant future.
Someone clearly hid Trump's phone this weekend, prompting people to write stories about how Trump is keeping a low profile; naturally Trump spent much of Saturday watching old TV clips of himself talking shit about Obama, and bitching about the shutdown forced him to miss his own party. Boo-fucking-hoo.
The Trump campaign (yes: campaign) released a web ad stating Democrats are "complicit" in murders carried out by illegal immigrants, using the recent court statements of a man with cartel ties boasting about killing two sheriffs in Northern California.
Why were there so many prominent Russians at Trump's inauguration? How were they able to even attend, and why were they front and center for so many important meetings? Were they kissing his little ring and collecting Ameros?
Robert Mueller has been poking around a Middle Eastern Bannonite who used to come over to Trump's Shithouse all the time until Jared Kushner got a bug up his ass.
On Friday Russian bots began pushing a bogus hashtag that was quickly adopted by cranks and conservatives. The campaign claimed that Devin Nunes wrote a memo that alleges intelligence abuse, however nobody at the FBI knows what the hell Nunes is talking about. Again.
Here's a handy infographic of all 270 people known to be involved in Trump-Russia, including good guys, bad guys, assholes and idiots.
Though her career has been calm in recent years, the story of Stormy Daniels's big comeback at a strip club full of Trump supporters is even weirder than you'd expect for a porn star blackmailing a world leader, but this is Donald Trump we're talking about, so...
Jeanine Pirro spent the weekend lost in the woods looking for for the abominable snow Clinton.
Interior Secretary and grifty bastard Ryan Zinke is in trouble mister! For his big oil blowjobs, and giving Florida a reach around, and being in the papers as much as Trump. He really does hate that, you know.
Jeff Sessions tried to get FBI Director Christopher Wray to push out underlings, saying Wray needed a "fresh start." God knows we can't have any career officials, for reasons!
That DHS investigation that claimed most terrorists were Not Americans was a crock of shit cooked up by Jeff Sessions, not the DHS investigators who actually know what they're talking about.
Wilbur Ross has been pissing off everyone in the Trump administration because of his tendency to fall asleep during meetings, and his inability to wheel and deal with all the Chineses, with one senior official stating, "Wilbur is good until about 11 a.m." Maybe he's hibernating, like REXXON?
Jared Kushner's Times Square properties are failing miserably; now investigators are asking a range of questions like, "Why the was the rent way above market value," and "Who the fuck gave Guy Fieri a restaurant," as well as how/why Kushner tried to offload his financial liability. CURIOUSER AND CURIOUSER!
It's not just Russia that may have been turning Jared Kushner into the spy who knew too little, China seems to have been working to get in Kushner's good graces by showering his fledgling business with gobs of cash.
Fresh out of jail, the Bundys are back, and they're getting bigger as they deliver fire and brimstone speeches across the rural West, encouraging people to take up arms against the government. Nothing good can come of this.
The FBI has opened an investigation into Missouri Gov. Eric Greitens ALLEGED kidnapping/blackmail of his former mistress. Greitens is declining to step down, and insisting that there was "no blackmail" and "no threat of violence" when he tied her up in his basement and took naked photos of her.
Mike Pence is in the Middle East (with Mother) getting yelled at by Arabs and jerked off by the Israelis.
A Saudi Arabian investigation into corruption from royal family members may yield up to $100 billion in settlements.
Turkish troops began invading Syria to assault US-backed Kurdish rebels that they call "terrorist nests." This is very bad.
The World Economic Forum in Davos begins this week, and Europe is bracing itself for the deluge of world leaders and corporate elite, but with the US government shut down nobody knows if Trump will crash the party.
A new investigation into human trafficking has found that many women from China and South Korea are lured into massive debt and sent to the US to work in massage parlors as slaves.
Twitter is sheepishly admitting Russian fuckery in the 2016 election, and using jargony nonsense instead of apologizing for being a boiling sea of toxic waste.
Facebook is admitting that maybe it can't actually protect democracy by letting every random asshole decide what is and isn't news. Naturally, Zuckerberg is passing the blame off to everyone but himself.
The Notorious RBG was at an indie movie festival to say, "#MeToo," telling her own story, noting, "Every woman of my vintage knows what sexual harassment is, although we didn't have a name for it."
And here's your morning Nice Time! A kitty with a case of the Mondays!
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