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Image stoled gleefully fromMr. Charlie Pierce


We really need to stop saying Donald Trump is a brainless dolt who can't keep his mind focused on anything for more than a few seconds, because when he gets a seriously stupid idea in his head -- like, say, wanting a big grand military parade through the streets of Washington DC -- that sucker will end up lodged in there more firmly than "It's a Small World" or that damn song from Frozen (you're welcome!). Since the presidency is something America lets Donald Trump amuse himself with, Donald Trump is damn well getting a military parade, according to officials who spoke anonymously to the Washington Post. We may have the greatest military machine in the world, but that doesn't stop TrumpWorld from leaking like a Soviet-era nuclear submarine.

Trump made his longstanding desire for a big military parade known during a January 18 meeting held in a secure Pentagon facility that's usually "reserved for top-secret discussions," the Post said, although the story didn't specify whether the meeting was called for the purpose of talking about a parade, or if Trump just blurted out the demand when he got bored in the middle of talks on something important:

Surrounded by the military’s highest-ranking officials, including Defense Secretary Jim Mattis and Joint Chiefs Chairman Gen. Joseph F. Dunford Jr., Trump’s seemingly abstract desire for a parade was suddenly heard as a presidential directive, the officials said.

“The marching orders were: I want a parade like the one in France,” said a military official who spoke on the condition of anonymity because the planning discussions are supposed to remain confidential. “This is being worked at the highest levels of the military.”

Another unnamed official from the White House said that the parade is only in the "brainstorming" phases and that "Right now, there’s really no meat on the bones." It could be just about anything as long as it's big and loud and makes Trump happy in his swimsuit area:

“The president wants to do something that highlights the service and sacrifice of the military and have a unifying moment for the country,” the official said.

He wants to honor the service and sacrifice of the military? Hey, he could commit to reducing wait times and providing better care for PTSD at Veterans Administration hospitals, maybe! Even better, he could give us all some kind of hint he won't throw their lives away -- and a few million Koreans, we suppose they matter too -- in a war against North Korea to prove his button is biggest.

As has been previously reported and mocked, Trump came into office with a stiffy for military parades, was disappointed his inauguration wasn't marked with a military parade, and was re-inspired to do this stupid thing when he visited France last July and watched their big military parade for Bastille Day with Emmanuel Macron. Boy, does he love a parade!

Trump was awestruck by the tableau of uniformed French troops marching down Avenue des Champs-Elysees with military tanks, armored vehicles, gun trucks and carriers — complete with fighter jets flying over the Arc de Triomphe and painting the sky with streaks of blue, white and red smoke for the colors of the French flag.

He apparently couldn't stop talking about the nifty parade all the way back home on Air Force One, and said he wanted one of his own, he wanted it, and he would hold his breath until he got one. And he wanted a big white horse and sunglasses and a spiffy uniform with epaulettes and a big gun of his very own. He just wouldn't let the idea go, no he would not. And when he saw Macron again at the UN in September? There may have been some talk about trade and security and boring stuff, but mostly, President Tittybaby wanted to talk PARADES:

Also, he was inspired by a FRENCH display of military hard-ons, so don't you go drawing parallels to the USSR or North Korea, you non-clapping traitors.

So apparently this beautiful, pointless display that will cost millions of dollars, take troops and equipment away from actual training and readiness, and, not incidentally, tear up the streets, since Pennsylvania Avenue isn't built to handle M1A1 Abrams tanks, is definitely a thing that will happen; after WaPo published its story online, the planning was confirmed by Sarah Huckabee Sanders and by the Pentagon. It's not authoritarian, it's not something you'd expect from a tinpot dictator with delusions of godhood, and it's certainly nothing like the parades of marching soldiers and military hardware for Kim Jong Un. It's for the troops and America, you see.

Plus, just look how it's triggering the libs. Totally worth it:

If for some reason the parade -- no date has been set, though Trump would like it to coincide with a patriotic holiday like Veterans Day, the 4th of July, or Donald Trump's Birthday -- doesn't come off, it is believed Trump might be satiated by a public execution of Hillary Clinton. For starters.

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[WaPo / Charlie Pierce on Twitter]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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