Cambridge Analytica Pretending To Go Away Now, Everybody Wave 'BYE-BYE!' Like This Is A Real Thing!

TOUGH BREAK for Trump campaign data firm/likely Russia co-conspirator Cambridge Analytica and its parent company SCL Group, both of which are SHUTTING DOWN and GOING AWAY FOREVER, after a whistleblower named Chris Wylie started blowing whistles about the company stealing Facebook data from tens of millions of people, and after a bunch of embarrassing news reports came out about how CA REALLY does bid'ness. This has allegedly driven away all their clients and left them high and dry:

The company decided to close its doors because it was losing clients and facing mounting legal fees in the Facebook investigation, a person familiar with the matter said. The firm is shutting down effective Wednesday and employees have been told to turn in their computers.

Oh how sad! They are even declaring bankruptcy! Maybe Robert Mercer, who is CA's real dad, can lend them a few dollars so they can buy one of those 40 ounce beers from the gas station and use it to drown out all their sorrows!

Good thing everybody who ran those companies went ahead and set up a new company called EmerData a few months back, just in case this sort of thing were to happen. It features Alexander Nix, who had to quit-fire himself IN SHAME after he was caught on tape suggesting setting up opposition politicians with bribes and Ukrainian prostitutes, as well as the swamp ogres from the Mercer family, and also Aryan Blackwater sadist Erik Prince's business partner Johnson Chun Shun Ko. That's right, the crime family is still together, and they are probably just having a real sad day right now, declaring bankruptcy and shuttering CA and SCL so they can rise from the dead after three days as EmerData, uh huh, yep, WEEP FOR THEM.

So will the new company work with a Russian researcher to steal everybody's Facebook shit and use it to craft fake news campaigns to fool your Southern Baptist mee-maw into voting for literally Satan? Maybe probably who knows! Will it work with Steve Bannon and Russia to steal American elections in the future, and also elections in other parts of the world, just like it did for Donald J. Trump ALLEGEDLY? Maybe also that!

Oh well, Mazel Tov and shit, sorry about your old company dying a fiery death, couldn't have happened to nicer people, go fuck yourself, see you next time, goodbye.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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