After a heavy morning of tweeting about how he is a very stable genius, Donald Trump held a press conference at Camp David to talk about his legislative agenda.

During this conference, Trump reiterated his vow that he would deport all the DREAMers and end DACA if no one gave him his big, beautiful wall. You know, the one that Mexico was supposed to pay for? Well, no, we are paying for it, it's going to cost us $18 billion over ten years, and if we refuse, he will just start sending people away to countries they have possibly not even been to since they were children.

Via Politico:

Trump reiterated his price for ensuring that young immigrants can stay in the U.S. legally: a wall along the U.S.-Mexico border, an end to the “diversity visa” lottery program, and changes to laws allowing citizens to sponsor some relatives for green cards. Provisions dealing with those issues should be lumped in the same legislation, Trump said Saturday at Camp David.

He issued a directive killing the Obama-era Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program starting March 5, although many DACA recipients have already lost their protections.

“We all want DACA to happen,” Trump said, referring to the top congressional Republicans who accompanied him. “But we also want great security for our country. So important.”

So yes, he doesn't want to have to do a horrible thing, but he's going to have to if you won't let him have his toys. This is for sure the way a mentally stable genius handles things.

During this press conference, Paul Ryan got up to talk about how very excited he is to fuck over poor people, while wearing what appears to be some kind of fleece jacket underneath a sports coat:

Apparently there is some kind of law that at least one person working in the White House must wear multiple collars at once.

Or maybe he's trying to send some kind of a signal of some kind to Bannon? Honestly, I cannot figure out what this lewk is supposed to be. I mean, I get that it's cold outside -- but he is currently inside. Not only is he inside, he is on television. WHY? It doesn't even match. Like, I think a case can be made for wearing a hoodie underneath a sports coat. I have seen many fashionable men pull this off. I have never in my life seen someone wearing an LL Bean fleece or whatever that is underneath a sports coat, while indoors and in public. I do not know what to make of this.

His little speech was as "bold" as his fashion choices. Good Catholic boy that he is, he attempted to present his cool new idea for work requirements for welfare recipients as a bipartisan measure geared to help the poor, which it is not. It is not as if there are piles of jobs out there that pay a living wage and people are just not bothering to take them. According to Politico's report, Mitch McConnell is hoping to avoid talking about this terrible plan until after the next elections. You know, because poor people vote, too.

And now, your open thread!


Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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Republicans are devouring each other's carcasses, and we are here for it! Especially when one of those Republicans is King Kris of the Kansas Votefucker Klan ... errr, Clan! It's been a week since Kansans cast their votes in the gubernatorial primary, and the GOP looks to be rolling up its sleeves for a slugfest.

As we type, Kobach leads by 298 votes out of more than 314,000 cast -- a whopping 0.00095 percent, if you round up! The Kansas GOP begged Donald Trump to stay out of the race and leave the field clear for sitting governor Jeff Colyer, who took over when Sam Brownback wandered off to bring Jesus to the Hottentots on behalf of the US government. Safe bet that Colyer would be gearing up for the general election now if President Twitterthumbs hadn't flapped his yap. So thanks for that, Donny!

No, really, THANKS!

Remember the hanging chad debacle in Florida? Now picture it in a landlocked state with more cows than people. It's like fantasy island for Devin Nunes, ALLEGEDLY.

Oh, but we are to kid!

After first insisting he wasn't going to recuse from the counting, Secretary of State Kris Kobach (one and the same!) wrote Colyer a fabulously bitchy letter agreeing to hand off the tabulation to his deputy, Eric Rucker. Colyer had made the shocking suggestion that Kobach delegate responsibility to the Kansas attorney general, rather than his own political appointee, and Kobach was stretched out on the settee with a fit of the vapors at the gross impropriety of it all!

I will not breach the public trust and arbitrarily assign my responsibilities to another office that is not granted such authority by the laws of Kansas.

After several anguished paragraphs, Kobach closed by remonstrating that Colyer was betraying his office by destroying the faith of Kansans in the sacred integrity of their electoral process.

As governor of Kansas, your unrestrained rhetoric has the potential to undermine the public's confidence in the election process. May I suggest that you trust the people of Kansas have made the right decision at the polls and that our election officials will properly determine the result as they do in every election.

Said the guy whose entire adult life has been dedicated to whipping up panic about millions of imaginary illegal alien voters.

So now these two princes can kick the crap out of each other WITH VOTES, specifically, provisional ballots cast by unaffiliated voters under the supervision of poorly trained poll workers. Kansas holds closed primaries, meaning only registered Republicans can vote to select the GOP candidate, BUT an unaffiliated voter can cast a vote by checking a box identifying as a Democrat or a Republican at the polling place. This was news to some poll workers, who mistakenly directed over one thousand unaffiliated voters to use provisional ballots without checking the box indicating party preference. Whoops!

So, will those provisional ballots be counted based on voter intent? Or tossed based on strict interpretation of the statute? And does Kansas law mandate tossing mail-in ballots that arrive without a postmark on Wednesday, since there's no forensic proof that they were mailed before midnight on Tuesday? And how disgusted will the Kansas electorate be when one of these assholes emerges from the melée holding the other one's scalp? And how many millions of dollars are going to be spent on litigating the Republican primary while this nice lady Laura Kelly, the Democratic minority whip of the Kansas Senate, is out campaigning for November?

Even before this debacle, Kobach looked significantly weaker against Kelly than Colyer, with self-funded Libertarian Jeff Orman threatening to throw a wrench in the works. The Wichita Eagle reports on a Remington Research Poll conducted in July:

In a Kelly-Orman-Kobach race, the poll puts Kelly and Kobach effectively in a dead heat — 36 percent for Kelly and 35 percent for Kobach, with Kelly's lead within the margin of error. Orman has 12 percent.

Colyer leads in a three-way race with Kelly and Orman, according to the poll. In that scenario, Colyer receives 38 percent of the vote, while Kelly gets 28 percent and Orman receives 10 percent.

Which is ONE POLL, in a deeply red state, but ... Kobach is a crap candidate who's likely to emerge from this fight with two black eyes and a pissed off base. If there's anyone who can blow this election, it's Kris Kobach.

Keep fighting, Kris! You can do it! (And now we need a shower.)

And YOU need an OPEN THREAD!

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Money us, PLEASE! Throw a tip in the jar, or click here to keep your Wonkette snarking forever.

[Kobach letter / Wichita Eagle / Mother Jones / Kansas City Star]

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While most people spent this weekend telling Nazi punks to fuck off, a couple 11-year-olds were in Las Vegas hacking into voting machines. Why? BECAUSE IT'S FUN!

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