Can Someone Please Come And Collect Ann Coulter? Anyone?
won't someone please pay attention to me???
[contextly_sidebar id="vCJwoI9RSqxCkMnu7yRW6uHZs9F34iEK"]Remember when Ann Coulter was the shit? No, not when she was shitty. She's always that. But remember the heyday of the late nineties and early oughts, when you couldn't turn over a viciously nativist racist homophobic rock without finding Coulter underneath? Those days are -- thank sweet baby Jesus in heaven -- gone now, but Coulter's hunger for the limelight isn't, which means she has to keep hurling herself at the election news cycle in a desperate bid for relevance. Coulter must have been feeling very lonely this past weekend because she really went with a full court press, flitting hither and thither and Twitter and yon, spewing bile and nonsense and bilious nonsense all the way.
She kicked things off in the wee small hours of Saturday morning with some deeply incoherent shit about Ted Cruz and Fox News, both of which she hates for being insufficiently bloodthirsty, apparently.
You sure nailed it, Ann. If there is one thing we liberals love, it is Fox News. And the only other thing we love as much as Fox News is supercilious chinless little git Ted Cruz. Also oligarchies. We fucking LOVE oligarchies, but only when they are unified, of course.
Ann grabbed a few winks and then got up, tanned, ready, and rested so she could go on teevee with something called a Michael Loftus and explain how Donald Trump is basically nothing more than a really cool Ann Coulter cover band and copped all his moves from her new book.
“It’s really important, and Donald Trump read it so you can understand everything that’s happening over the next year. It’s where he got that spicy stuff on Mexican rapists,” Coulter said.
Urgh. You know she practiced the "spicy stuff" line on everyone she knows, right? HAR HAR MEXICAN FOOD IS SPICY, GET IT? And everyone had to pretend it was hilarious because if they didn't, Ann would unhinge her jaw and swallow them whole.
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From there, she got more garbled but no less hateful.
“Everything is decided by immigration because everyone votes here,” Coulter said to Loftus. “The only way the refugee crisis and illegal immigrants, the only way it ever stops, is if all countries are identical. So that there’s no reason to move from one country to another. We’re just all Uganda!” she said with gusto. “And that’s what’s happening to our country now.”
So wait. We're like Uganda ... now? And that's why everyone wants to come here? Or if we turn into Uganda, people will stop wanting to come here? Are there tons of folks trying to emigrate to Uganda?
After a Sunday spent tormenting puppies or weaving bits of dead children's hair into her flaxen mane or whatever it is Coulter does on her off days, she once again decided that Twitter couldn't do without her.
Oh, Ann. You're so adorable when you're equal parts barbaric and pathetic. Never change.