won't someone please pay attention to me???

[contextly_sidebar id="vCJwoI9RSqxCkMnu7yRW6uHZs9F34iEK"]Remember when Ann Coulter was the shit? No, not when she was shitty. She's always that. But remember the heyday of the late nineties and early oughts, when you couldn't turn over a viciously nativist racist homophobic rock without finding Coulter underneath? Those days are -- thank sweet baby Jesus in heaven -- gone now, but Coulter's hunger for the limelight isn't, which means she has to keep hurling herself at the election news cycle in a desperate bid for relevance. Coulter must have been feeling very lonely this past weekend because she really went with a full court press, flitting hither and thither and Twitter and yon, spewing bile and nonsense and bilious nonsense all the way.

She kicked things off in the wee small hours of Saturday morning with some deeply incoherent shit about Ted Cruz and Fox News, both of which she hates for being insufficiently bloodthirsty, apparently.

You sure nailed it, Ann. If there is one thing we liberals love, it is Fox News. And the only other thing we love as much as Fox News is supercilious chinless little git Ted Cruz. Also oligarchies. We fucking LOVE oligarchies, but only when they are unified, of course.

Ann grabbed a few winks and then got up, tanned, ready, and rested so she could go on teevee with something called a Michael Loftus and explain how Donald Trump is basically nothing more than a really cool Ann Coulter cover band and copped all his moves from her new book.

“It’s really important, and Donald Trump read it so you can understand everything that’s happening over the next year. It’s where he got that spicy stuff on Mexican rapists,” Coulter said.

Urgh. You know she practiced the "spicy stuff" line on everyone she knows, right? HAR HAR MEXICAN FOOD IS SPICY, GET IT? And everyone had to pretend it was hilarious because if they didn't, Ann would unhinge her jaw and swallow them whole.

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From there, she got more garbled but no less hateful.

“Everything is decided by immigration because everyone votes here,” Coulter said to Loftus. “The only way the refugee crisis and illegal immigrants, the only way it ever stops, is if all countries are identical. So that there’s no reason to move from one country to another. We’re just all Uganda!” she said with gusto. “And that’s what’s happening to our country now.”

So wait. We're like Uganda ... now? And that's why everyone wants to come here? Or if we turn into Uganda, people will stop wanting to come here? Are there tons of folks trying to emigrate to Uganda?

After a Sunday spent tormenting puppies or weaving bits of dead children's hair into her flaxen mane or whatever it is Coulter does on her off days, she once again decided that Twitter couldn't do without her.

Oh, Ann. You're so adorable when you're equal parts barbaric and pathetic. Never change.

[Raw Story]

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Image: Marriott Hotels

Great GOP wordsmith Frank Luntz, the guy who gave us the "death tax" and who urged the George W. Bush administration to talk about "climate change" since it was less politically motivating than "global warming," did some more of his characteristic word magic today! While staying at the Hotel Imperial in Vienna, Austria, Luntz offered this cautionary tale about the evils of socialism, as illustrated by the shoddy conditions in a 5-star luxury hotel owned by Dubai's "Al Habtoor" conglomerate and operated by Marriott:

Talk about your grim hellholes! Apparently, there's only one elevator in the entire building, and it's been broken for three days, proving that European-style socialism is a failure that should never be imported to the USA, where -- damn it! -- all buildings work!

As some smartass pointed out, now Luntz may have to take the STAIRS, like a common Bolshevik!

We're still trying to get our heads around how a delay in getting an elevator fixed in a luxury hotel owned by the United Arab Emirati proprietors of Dubai's

  • Habtoor Grand Resort
  • Waldorf Astoria Dubai Palm Jumeirah
  • Habtoor Palace, LXR Hotels & Resorts
  • V Hotel, Curio Collection by Hilton
  • Hilton Dubai Al Habtoor City
  • Metropolitan Hotel Dubai
  • Al Habtoor Polo Resort

as well as

  • Imperial Hotel, a Luxury Collection Hotel, Vienna (Austria)
  • Hilton London Wembley (United Kingdom)
  • Hilton Beirut Habtoor Grand (Lebanon)
  • Hilton Beirut Metropolitan Palace (Lebanon)
  • President Abraham Lincoln Springfield – a DoubleTree by Hilton Hotel (United States)
  • InterContinental Budapest (Hungary)
  • The Ritz-Carlton, Budapest (Hungary)

is an example of the horrors of socialism, but then, we don't earn the big bucks like Luntz does. Austria is among the 14 richest countries in the world, so we're fairly certain it's not a commie hellhole. Then again, there is a very strong social safety net, so maybe people in subsidized housing stole all the elevator parts. Or perhaps the elevator would have been fixed sooner if only Austria didn't have such strong unions. It's a mystery.

Or maybe it's that NATIONAL socialism that's the problem, seeing as it has socialism RIGHT IN THE NAME!

Adolf Hitler, once a day labourer outside the Hotel Imperial Vienna, returned as the Führer and "delivered a speech to a rapturous crowd from [the hotel] suite's balcony, on 14 March 1938", according to

We suppose it's worth noting that the Imperial is decidedly not owned or operated by the Austrian government, where a far-Right coalition has recently imploded -- although maybe Luntz is confused about that, since official state guests are traditionally housed there. In any case, the elevator's busted, it's in Europe, Europe is socialist, and Frank Luntz is homesick for America, where no elevator ever goes unrepaired for an entire weekend. It simply has never happened because of our efficient free market!

Still, Luntz's tweet inspired some valuable reflections on how economic theory shapes the reality of everyday life. This is the kind of Austrian economics we can support.

In conclusion, capitalism always allocates resources efficiently and fairly, although that still doesn't explain why Frank Luntz has a job. And now it would be your DOKTOR ZOOM'S BIRTHDAY PARTY OPEN THREAD, if only the socialists would fix the elevator, the end.

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