Fox News reminds me of that person who can't let go of their ex. You feel like screaming at them, “They're gone! You're free. Enough with the campfire stories about how awful they are!" Barack Obama is no longer president, but few people on the network can shut up about him.

Last night, COVID-19 truther Tucker Carlson complained about Obama golfing. Wow. It's like it's April 2012 again and I'm enjoying a cross-country drive with my wife to New Orleans for Jazz Fest.

CARLSON: First, we want to begin with an update on the state of this country.

Yeah, that's how Carlson introduced the segment about a black man on a golf course. Conservatives complained about Obama's golfing for eight years straight while simultaneously claiming he was willingly destroying the country when not golfing. Pick a lane. Donald Trump even criticized the Kenyan birth certificate forger for golfing on the taxpayer's dime. He tweeted about it 27 times, which is 27 times more than he's told Donald Trump Jr. he loves him.

Trump even claimed he wouldn't have time for golf as president, because he'd be too busy making America great again. That was a lie. Once Obama was out of office, Republicans suddenly remembered that recreation does a presidential body good.

CARLSON: On Saturday, former president Barack Obama went golfing at the Robert Trent Jones Country Club in Virginia. He's a member there.

Fox News viewers are good and pissed now! Please proceed, Tucker.

Tucker: Our leaders are making a mockery of their own quarantines www.youtube.com


CARLSON: Obama was driven to the course about 40 miles from his home in the District of Columbia by a government chauffeur ... If you look, you can clearly see that Obama is enjoying himself.

I don't know how it's possible to enjoy yourself while golfing, but the brother's happy. That's fine with me. Carlson pointed out that there weren't many people around bothering Obama because Virginia and DC are both under stay-at-home orders.

CARLSON: Everybody else is locked at home as they have been for over a month but not former President Obama. For him, golfing at his country club was an essential activity.

Carlson played a PSA that still reigning first lady Michelle Obama recorded urging people, specifically black folks, to stay home except for “essential health care, essential food or supplies, or to go to your essential job." Obviously, Queen Michelle is a hypocrite who doesn't think her edicts apply to her own royal family.

According to Golf Digest, which keeps track of these things, golf courses are still open in Virginia. The state's stay-at-home order does permit "outdoor activity, including exercise, provided individuals comply with social distancing requirements." Golf is conceptually exercise, and as Carlson noted, Obama looked liked he was keeping an appropriate distance from others. He's still under lifetime Secret Service protection, so it's a big hassle whenever he leaves the house, even if just for a run around the block.

Naturally, Matt Margolis at PJ Media called out the Obamas as “Do-As-I-Say-Not-As-I-Do Liberals." He also couldn't resist mentioning that Obama went golfing on the same day he declared H1N1 (the swine flu) a public health emergency. That's what presidents can do when they have shit under control. I was leaving the house like a motherfucker during 2009 and 2010. I went to restaurants and saw movies and everything.

Carlson said leaders across the country are making a “mockery" of the lockdowns they “so enthusiastically enforce." Obama hasn't enforced any lockdowns — enthusiastically or otherwise — because he's no longer an elected leader. Sure, he could spend next weekend chilling in the pool with Michelle, but it wouldn't make Carlson any more supportive of the COVID-19 mitigation efforts that he claims aren't “achieving anything." He just wants to keep badmouthing the ex.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).

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