Hero Trump Saves Innocent Kim Jong Un From Spying By Mean CIA
If you weren't sure whether Donald Trump was a traitor to America and a threat to our national security, or whether he's just a buffoon highly susceptible to flattery and who'll bend to anybody who calls him pretty, then let your confusion begone! We know the word "treason" gets thrown around quite a lot during the Trump era, because the Russia-installed president of the United States so often commits acts that sound like they should be considered treason, but don't actually rise to the technical definition of the word. But this is probably the closest he's come. We'll just call it "light treason."
Trump was talking to reporters yesterday, doing that thing where he vomits addled brain thoughts on them as he walks to the helicopter on the White House lawn, and the subject of North Korea came up. Specifically, Trump was asked to react to news from the Wall Street Journal that Kim Jong Un's exiled half-brother Kim Jong Nam, whom Kim had murdered in the airport in Malaysia in 2017, had been serving as a CIA informant.
Your president had thoughts. They were not American thoughts.
So uhhhhhhhhhh I see that, and I just received a beautiful letter from Kim Jong Un, and I think the relationship is very well, but I appreciated the letter. I saw the information about the CIA, with respect to his brother or half-brother, and I would tell him that would not happen under my auspices, that's for sure, I wouldn't let that happen under my auspices, but I just received a beautiful letter from Kim Jong Un, I can't show you the letter obviously, but it was a very personal, very warm, very nice letter and I appreciate it. And I'll say it again, I think that North Korea has tremendous potential ...
There is so much to unpack in that syphilitic run-on sentence. First of all, Trump is still obsessed with the love letters he gets from Kim, probably spritzed with North Korea's state perfume, which is probably very stinky. He still loves to talk about how he "fell in love" with the guy he used to call "Little Rocket Man," but something changed, and now he waits in the White House all day for "beautiful letters" that had to be delivered by the Pony Express, because the dictator he's so impressed with runs a country that's pretty technologically advanced, by the standards of the 18th century.
But the most important part -- the part that's the closest to bona fide treason Trump has ever gotten -- is where he said that under his "auspices," the CIA wouldn't cultivate somebody like the dictator's exiled half-brother as a source. Trump has shit on the CIA before -- hundreds of times -- but that is pretty wow. Whose side is the president on? Not America's!
People around the world who live under harsh and terrible regimes defy their governments and put their lives on the line to help American interests every day. The least they expect is that America will have their backs when push comes to shove. Under Trump, they can't really have that confidence, which puts us in a lose/lose situation, for the informants themselves, and for American national security.
Now, perhaps Trump doesn't even know what he said, because perhaps his cognitive decline is such that words just fly out, like "auspices," which doesn't actually mean whatever Trump thinks it means. But it sure sounds like he's saying that in Trump's America, we don't spy on the most dangerous and backward dictatorship in the world, which murders and starves its citizens on the regular, and which happens to be the one country in the world that has literally said that yes, it would like to develop nuclear weapons and use them to strike America.
Is this what "MAGA" really meant all along?
We have wondered here on Wonkette many times whether Donald Trump has been compromised so gravely -- which seems really easy to do, because he's stupid and vain and easy to manipulate -- that he's literally a foreign agent. (And we're not alone. The FBI has wondered too!) Of course, when we wonder that, we usually wonder whether he's presidenting under the influence of the Kremlin. (Also maybe the Saudis.) And nothing has happened to assuage our concerns in that department. We still don't have the counter-intel findings from the Mueller investigation, and now, with Attorney General Bill Barr weaponized to investigate the investigators -- and to declassify whatever he thinks might be able to be twisted to make Trump look good! -- there are real worries that US intelligence sources, methods, and possibly even the identities of informants used in the Russia investigation will end up in the wrong hands. (And by "wrong hands," we mean in the hands of the president of the United States. Don't think for one second he wouldn't hand the names of deep cover Russian informants directly to Vladimir Putin, probably without even being asked. We already saw him leak deeply classified Israeli intel all over the Russians in the Oval Office the day after he fired James Comey, as he bragged to the Russians that the pressure was now off between them, since he had fired that crazy FBI guy. We should also note here, as David Graham points out at The Atlantic, that it doesn't sound like Trump knew about Kim Jong Nam before the news reports came out, which makes a bit of sense. If you were the CIA, would you tell Trump little details like that?)
Now, far be it from us to suggest that Trump has also been compromised by the North Korean government in such a way. If there are truly nefarious underpinnings to the way Trump bends over backward to satisfy Kim Jong Un -- Jesus, that's so pathetic to even type -- then it was probably directed by Putin too, who stands to benefit from America losing its strong hand with North Korea.
But what else is there? Is Trump really just so head over heels for this dumbfuck dictator that he's willing to sell out American national security to a country that's been saving money in its piggy bank for a second TV, but hasn't gotten there yet, and probably never will? It's so goddamned embarrassing.
And we know Trump loves dictators and can't stand democratically elected leaders. Psychologically, it makes sense. Dictators tend to be lacking in the same mental and emotional departments Trump is lacking in, when it comes to having thick skins and being worthy of freely given human love. But unlike Trump, those guys get to act on their deepest and most pathetic urges and kill people and stuff! That, in the president's eyes, probably makes them "tough" and "cool," as opposed to dumb western leaders like Justin Trudeau and Angela Merkel, who don't even have people murdered because they hurt the emperor's feelings.
Or maybe it's something else, something even deeper than that.
Josh Marshall stumbled upon a hilarious theory:
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, we didn't mean to end this post on a funny note, but hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
The president is a traitor.
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