Candace Owens Just Wants To Know: Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?

Candace Owens Just Wants To Know: Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?

If you were to ask me "What is the manliest shit ever?" I would tell you that gender roles are stupid, but also that it is former big time football player Rosey Grier doing needlepoint. Rosey Grier had absolutely nothing to prove to anyone and did not give a flying shit if people thought needlepoint was unmanly, he was going to do needlepoint because he liked doing needlepoint, so there. I don't even know if that's so much manly as it is just very cool. It is always very cool to be who you are, like what you like, do what you want, and very not cool to worry about what other people will think of you and try to fit yourself into some kind of mold in hopes they will approve of you.

One person who is not exactly an authority on being cool is Candace Owens, a woman who has made a career of trying to get racist white people to tell her she's real swell and get men to tell her she's better than all those mean feminist broads out there, as if winning their approval will finally give her the validation she has been craving her whole entire life. People like this tend to be deeply resentful of those who get to do what they want without caring about validation. They also tend to be rather treacherous.

Thus, this weekend, Owens lashed out at Harry Styles for having the gall to wear a dress in a Vogue photoshoot, which she personally felt was unmanly and therefore a portent of the downfall of society.

"There's no society that can survive without strong men," she explained. "The East knows this. In the west, the steady feminization of our men at the same time that Marxism is being taught to our children is not a coincidence. It is an outright attack. Bring back manly men."

Manly men, you say?

Robin Hood: Men in Tights (3/5) Movie CLIP - Men in Tights (1993)

Of course, as mentioned, Candace and I have very different ideas of what strength is. I would not consider it "strong" to sit around worrying all day about whether or not people think you are manly and never doing needlepoint even though you really love needlepoint because needlepoint is for girls. In fact, I would consider it weak as hell.

I am, however, curious about where it is in "the East" that she is talking about where they love strong manly men and also hate Marxism. Is it just a general "the East?" I'm just curious because it would be super awkward if she were talking about China or Laos or Vietnam. Because I feel like they might mention Marxism sometimes in those countries! Is she talking about Russia? Were they specifically unmanly for like, the majority of the last century and now they are manly? How does this work? What country is it where all the cowboys have gone?

Now, I don't personally care much for gender roles. I also don't care much for machismo. But due to familial and cultural circumstances beyond my control, I have more than a passing familiarity with the concept. Far more than I would like, frankly.

With that being said, let me introduce you to Candace's manly man husband, George Farmer.


Why is it that all of these wingnuts who go on and on about the lost arts of manliness either look like haunted porcelain dolls or are married to men who look like haunted porcelain dolls?

I mean.

Yes, who better to weigh in what manliness is than Ben Shapiro. Also here, for no particular reason, is Ben Shapiro weakly singing "Stars" from Les Mis.

Ben Answers A Mailbag Question By Singing From "Les Miserables"

As someone who regularly references Les Mis and various other musicals all of the time, I see absolutely nothing wrong with this. I am not, however, holding myself up as the epitome of stereotypical manliness. Although I will say I have a far deeper and more resonant voice than Ben Shapiro. Like it's not even a contest. Compared to Ben Shapiro, I am a regular Brian Stokes Mitchell, who by the way does a much better rendition of Stars. Then again, so would the rotting corpse of Florence Foster Jenkins.

You know who actually did sing incredibly well? The previously mentioned Rosey Grier, who — unlike Ben Shapiro — was not sitting around all day worrying about people not thinking he wasn't manly and thus had time to hone his craft.

Rosey Grier "Fool, Fool, Fool"

Again — I think machismo is gross and infuriating and if I ever, ever date a man who bellows "Where's the olive oil?" instead of getting up to get it himself, I will throw both of us out a window. I have nightmares about this. But I also know it when I am looking at it. And ... no. Just no.


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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


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