Cannibal-Curious Alex Jones Has Sick New COVID-19 Conspiracy Theory. Wait, Where Are You Going?
If you believed the COVID-19 outbreak would cause repulsive people to consider an indefinite hold on their grossness, you are just adorable. Cannibal-curious Alex Jones is at it again. This time he's defaming frontline health care workers with putrid conspiracy theories. He's claimed without evidence, as his wont, that hospital workers were straight-up murdering patients, saying they died of COVID-19, and raking in the profits as part of a diabolical "globalist eugenics plot." And the brilliance of this plan is its simplicity.
No one has time for this "X-Files" shit. In the real world, Fox Mulder is an asshole because there are no government conspiracies. Aliens aren't infecting us with COVID-19 as a part of an overly complicated invasion strategy.
Here's what this fool said on the May 5 edition of his show.
JONES: And imagine all the old people suddenly dying in the nursing homes, family not allowed to see what's happening. Now they're prisons. Now they're eugenics death camps. And notice it's the blue cities and the blue states that have perfected the corruption where you see almost all the deaths because that's where you've got hospitals where you've got order-followers, who are very stupid, with a few doctors and the bioethics board on top, like Gov. Northam, who used to run the baby-harvesting program in Virginia.
It's unbelievably tragic that nursing home residents with COVID-19 have to die alone. Jones is exploiting that tragedy and adding sinister intent to a necessary public health precaution. And where does Alex Jones get off questioning the intelligence of doctors and nurses or even the actors who play doctors and nurses on TV? The cast of "Grey's Anatomy" is smarter than the guy behind Infowars.
Oh, and Virginia Governor Ralph Northam didn't run a "baby-harvesting program" because that isn't a thing.
JONES: That's why he went on TV and said we don't need law enforcement and government involved, it's between the doctors and the mother -- notice he doesn't say father -- and the mother decides to terminate and not resuscitate, that's a technical term, the baby is alive and fine then we keep them comfortable while they harvest the organs. Keep them alive sometimes two weeks, they have a special ward, OK we took care of your baby it's gone now. It's in a ward, they wait for the orders come in for the organs. Keep them comfortable. And those nurses are making a half million a piece because they are carrying out Nazi operations.
SO MUCH STUPID.
If Northam was running a secret “baby-harvesting program," he'd probably know enough not to go on TV and brag about it. The head of the evil baby-parts selling organization would likely pose as an ardent “pro-lifer" and run an adoption agency. But Jones can't bother crafting conspiracy theories that make any more sense than his hairline.
Who's sending the orders for the baby organs? Is this like Instacart? Jones laughably and cruelly suggests that nurses are making $500,000 “a piece" as part of their work in the “Nazi operation." Jones notably doesn't believe in real Nazis, just the fake ones George Soros pays to make the far-right look bad (they don't need our help!) or, in this case, the imaginary ones who promote abortion so they can bathe in the blood of infants and live forever.
The nurses in New York soaking up COVID-19 and trying to keep people alive make on average about $83,000 a year. Their salaries are different across the country but ain't no one making $500,000. No one notices people with five-figure salaries living la vida loca. Presumably, the IRS is also in on it.
You could dismiss Alex Jones just a big joke. We're certainly treating him like one. But his particular brand of bullshit is all over the internet -- the same one doctors and nurses retreat to after the end of a brutal shift. As Ben Jones reported for NBC News, it's a slap in the face when medical professionals have to confront nonsense about COVID-19 that isn't even real.
[Hadi Halazun, a cardiologist in New York,] said dealing with conspiracy theorists is the "second most painful thing I've had to deal with, other than separation of families from their loved one."
If that isn't enough to infuriate you, consider that “several other doctors" told Ben Jones that they regularly have to treat patients who waited too late for treatment because they believed all the conspiracy theories. After years of study and training, doctors and nurses are working themselves to exhaustion trying to save lives during this pandemic. All Alex Jones and his ilk have to do is keep their stupid, fucking mouths shut, and they can't even meet that challenge.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes reviews for the A.V. Club and make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."