I Went To Capitol Insurrection And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt And Also Arrested

Well, he's not a super genius.

In today's episode of "You can't make this shit up," I give you Garret Miller.

During and after the January 6 insurrection, like many of his cohort, he thoroughly documented his illegal activities on social media.

But that's not the best part. The best part came when he was arrested.

When the feds showed up to take Garret Miller into custody, he exercised his right to remain silent  but still managed to incriminate himself. You see, when he was arrested, Miller was wearing — I shit you not — a shirt with a picture of Trump on it that said, "I Was There, Washington D.C., January 6, 2021" and "Take America Back."

And yeah, that shirt is admissible as evidence. You have a right not to incriminate yourself, but — although I'm not entirely sure this exact issue has ever been litigated — I'm pretty sure wearing a T-shirt announcing the crimes you've committed is a voluntary waiver of that right.

Like President Bartlet once said,

"Some of the stupidest criminals in the world are working right here in America. I've always been very proud of that."

This delightful information came our way courtesy of the US government, in its opposition to Miller's lawyer seeking to have him released from custody pending trial. Last month, a federal magistrate judge ordered that Miller be held without bond.

Federal prosecutors argue "there are no conditions or combinations of conditions which can effectively ensure the safety of any other person and the community and reasonably assure the appearance of Miller." And that,

"By bringing tactical gear, ropes, and potentially, by his own admission, a gun to the Capitol on January 6, 2021, Miller showed that he was not just caught up in the frenzy of the crowd but instead came to D.C. with the intention of disrupting the democratic process of counting and certifying Electoral College votes."

The FBI first became aware of Miller because of a video he posted to Twitter from inside the Capitol with the caption "From inside congress." This post led law enforcement to check out all of Miller's social media accounts, where they found ample evidence of his crimes, including selfies from inside the Capitol building.

Under one selfie, a friend of Miller's commented, "bro you got in?! Nice!" Miller replied "just wanted to incriminate myself a little lol."

If you listen real close, you can almost hear the audible groan from criminal defense lawyers everywhere.

If the name Garret Miller sounds familiar to you, that might be because he is the same fine young gentleman who called for AOC's assassination via Twitter on January 6.

And if that's not all, he became obsessed with identifying the Capitol Police officer who killed Ashli Babbitt (he was sure the cop was Black), saying things on Facebook and Instagram like, "How could he execute an unarmed woman feet away. His execution must be televised." He also posted a picture of a rope tied to a noose and posted things like "He will swing. [...] I had a rope in my bag on that day," and "We going to get a hold of him and hug his neck with a nice rope."

So yeah, he's just a real gem.

We'll see what the judge has to say, but none of these are exactly good facts for Mr. Miller.

I wonder if the government logged the T-shirt as evidence? If not, maybe next he can wear it to his trial.

Sadly, the shirt is not visible in Miller's mugshot, but here it is anyway. For posterity.

[ Prosecution's Brief ]

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