Cardi B: Obamacare Helped Get Your P*ssy Checked!


The government of the United States has been shut the hell down for a cool minute now. It's so bad that cracks are finally beginning to show even amongst Trump's broke ass farmers, while even people who HAVE money, like Cardi B, are becoming concerned as hell about government workers not getting paid. For 28 days (and counting) our president has been bumbling around DC in utter and complete failmode. With Nancy Pelosi busy at the moment trying to keep Trump from siccing actual terrorists on her, Cardi B decided to step up and try her hand at the Democratic Party pastime of completely owning Trump.

In her minute-long rant, she hits important topics in politics like: Obama and previous shutdowns, Trump and racism, economic anxiety and social justice; healthcare topics like high blood pressure, and most important of all? How much easier it is to get your p*ssy checked out under Obamacare than it was before. She can tell you better than I can, let's watch.

Cardi B Speaks On The Government Shut Down

From WaPo:

"Hey Y'all. I just wanna remind you, because it's been a little bit over three weeks, okay. Trump is now ordering, as in summonsing, federal government workers to go back to work without getting paid."

An issue that comes up often in the music of Cardi B is her damn money being exactly where it's supposed to be. Cardi B, just like many Americans, knows the sick emptiness and cold dread that accompanies genuine economic anxiety. The look on her face when she snapped about Trump asking telling ORDERING people back to work with no pay reflects on millions of faces across the nation.

"Now, I don't want to hear y'all . . . talking about, 'Oh, but Obama shutdown the government for 17 days.' Yeah! . . . For health care! So your grandma could check her blood pressure!"

Um, I clearly heard "so you b*tches could go check y'alls p*ssies at the mutha fuckin' gynecologist with no muthafuckin problems," right after that line about Grandma's blood pressure, WaPo. This was a problematic omission; we have a reported record high STD rate in the country right now, so she was being dead ass serious about the importance of getting regular women's reproductive health check-ups. Get your p*ssies checked out, ladies.

"Our country is in a hellhole right now. All for a f‐‐‐ing wall. I feel like we need to take some action. I don't know what type of action, b‐‐‐‐, because this is not what I do. But b‐‐‐‐, I'm scared. This is crazy. And I really feel bad for these people that gotta go to f‐‐‐ing work to not get motherf‐‐‐ing paid."

There comes a moment when each person has their own personal epiphany about Trump and it scares the living shit out of them. Realizing that your president is a fucking idiot who is also maliciously out of touch and vainglorious is enough to send even the strongest of women into a catatonic state. Not only is he willing to watch Barb and Bob Everyman suffer, willing to risk the economy crashing, and willingly losing popularity with his own base, but he also pretends the nation is totally on his side!

Trump is lying, of course. The nation isn't on his side at all. But one person did kinda sorta maybe pick up some support from our Democratic legislators for her epic rant: Cardi B. After her rant took over Twitter, Senators Schumer, Schatz, and Murphy could NOT decide if it was appropriate to retweet Cardi B or not because -- gasp! Profanity.

Oh, that's cute. But already, the voices of the Mediocre Man Brigade are pleading for her to STAY OUT OF POLITICS!

From Independent:

"Soo many people under my comments talking about I shouldn't talk politics ,I don't know what I'm talking about , I'm dumb ! Well I know a little something something.. I know 800,000 federal government workers won't be getting paid till the shutdown is over and government assistants program are shutdown as well as in NO WELFARE , NO WIC,SECTION 8. PAY ATTENTION !!! This can go on for months and it will affect our homes and Country."

On the strength of that post alone, I'm already willing to replace Susan Collins with Cardi B, who obviously pays close attention to how politics affects her community, especially those who are in the most need. Fundamentally, Rap has always been a musical genre of politically minded storytelling that focuses on social issues, like poverty, that affect the black community on the micro and the macro levels. It's not surprising that someone like Miss Cardi B would speak out about the shutdown, ESPECIALLY since this shutdown is making everybody's money extra funny. Don't be surprised the next time she speaks out against the wishes of those who would prefer she " stick to rapping" or says she knows nothing. Cardi B says what she wants when she wants to. Respect it.

And check your p*ssy.

[ WaPo / Independent]

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FollowWonderbitch aka Bravenak aka Bianca DeLaRosa, loves her jobs as Social Media Manager for Wonkette more than Sarah Huckabee Sanders loves lying to America. Bianca also moonlights as a Witch (THE BAD KIND!!) and is a Freelance Goddess of All Things Ever. Be very nice her because she likes to curse people, especially mean people. You can find Bianca on Twitter @bravewriting or email her at

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.

Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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