Donate

Cards Against Humanity Job Posting Is The Greatest Thing You Will See Today

Culture

What a fun day we have been having! But not as fun as the good people who work for Cards Against Humanity, the sort of ur-Wonkette card game (even though there are still other card games you could ALSO buy, just saying, whatever) that is SO rude and SO gross and SO fun and SO fun to play! They are looking for a new CEO, and here is their job listing, which we are copy-and-pasting all of, it's not like Craigslist needs the traffic:


Cards Against Humanity is hiring a CEO! (Chicago)

compensation: We will award you 51% of our company and you can set your own salary.

employment type: full-time

Cards Against Humanity, the #1 best-selling party game, is hiring a new CEO!

Let's face it: we have no idea what we're doing. This year, we wasted an enormous amount of time and 
energy trying to get Hillary Clinton elected President, and on Black Friday we dug a huge hole in the 
ground because we wanted to find out if it would be funny. It's been a great run, but now it's time 
for real adult leadership.

Requirements

We are seeking a highly qualified executive to run our company who meets the following requirements:

- Strong public speaking skills

- Steady disposition, remains cool under pressure

- Willing to inherit the consequences of eight years of irresponsible spending

- Excellent negotiator able to deal with stubborn opposition

- Experience hunting terrorist masterminds

- Minimum eight years experience President of the United States of America or equivalent nation

- Strongly prefer the first black editor of Harvard Law Review

- Must currently hold a national approval rating of 57.2% or higher

- Passed comprehensive healthcare reform

- Natural born citizen of the United States

- Proficient in Microsoft Word, Excel, and PowerPoint

The ideal candidate will be excited to travel for work and be a recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize.

Women and minorities are strongly encouraged to apply.

What's In It for You?

If you are the right candidate, we will award you 51% of our company and you can set your own salary.

Benefits include:

- Health/dental/vision insurance (while available)

- Generous vacation time

- A new computer

- Pre-tax transit benefit

- Access to office pantry with unlimited almonds

Paid relocation to Chicago is available.
 Also, you can be our new Dad if you want (optional but strongly preferred).

About the Company

Cards Against Humanity is a game company based in Chicago, IL with about 30 employees. We run a coworking space for independent artists, a full-ride scholarship for women getting degrees in STEM fields, a political action committee, an international shipping company, a private island, and a castle in Ireland. We've also raised nearly $5 million for our nonprofit partners: the Wikimedia Foundation, the Sunlight Foundation, Electronic Frontier Foundation, and DonorsChoose.org, where Cards Against Humanity has funded over 13,000 teacher projects in high-poverty classrooms across the United States.

Interested?

If you meet our qualifications, please email mail@cardsagainsthumanity.com.

WASN'T THAT FUN? DIDN'T IT MAKE YOU HAPPY? YES WE CAN IT DID!

Now it's your turn! Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to help Your Wonkette make its own Cards Against Humanity expansion pack, which we have been meaning to do forever, because Cards Against Humanity is super-cool about licensing its likeness to anyone who wants to do stuff at it, like a Wonkette Expansion Pack!

So you go down there, and you do your open thread "I am eating pancakes" or what the fuck ever you ramble on about, and then you ALSO do funny "answer cards" and "question cards" (black cards and white cards, if you want to be racist about it) that are Wonkette-themed or -related!

If you do them good, we will make that for you. OR WILL WE? Yes we will, and YES WE CAN.

The end.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

$
Donate with CC
DHS photo (Every damn ICE pic looks like this)

Donald Trump's immigration goon squads were all set to start mass arrests and deportations of families in multiple cities Sunday, but before the raids started, he tweeted Saturday that he'd decided to delay the operation by two weeks -- to allow Democrats a chance to join Republicans in trashing US asylum law. Trump took a phone call Friday evening from Nancy Pelosi urging him to hold off on the raids, although it's also possible that internal disagreements about the operation at the Department of Homeland Security may have been part of the reason for the delay, too. In the meantime, Trump gets to terrify undocumented families some more and rant about deporting "millions," although the planned operation was actually targeted only at a couple thousand people who have already received deportation orders.

Immigration and Customs Enforcement had been gearing up to start raids in 10 US cities, including Los Angeles, Chicago, Miami, and Baltimore, to show how tough America is, and never mind that the sweeps would certainly have led to more family separations, as ICE scooped up at least some undocumented parents of children born in the US. The news also comes while the media is reporting filthy, inhuman conditions at the border camps where newly arrested immigrants, including babies, are being packed in, leading to plenty of awkward questions about why the government suddenly wants to arrest more people in the interior of the country? (Hint: President Eichmann just announced his reelection bid.)

The Great Deporter announced the delay of the operation Saturday by Twitter, as if that were normal, then followed up with more bluster Sunday.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

Kamala Harris was holding it down at the South Carolina Democratic Convention this weekend, and she wasn't just there to kick it at Clyburn's Fish Fry, hang out with Berndog Sanders, and just look extra good. No. She fucking running for President, and she's actually got a chance, unlike the many Mayo Casserole Men who keep jumping into the damn race. Why did they jump in after Kamala and Elizabeth Warren, the only people who are even running, clearly said, "We got it from here, boys"? Not sure, but regardless, it was unnecessary. Doesn't matter anyway because who is gonna remember Dadface McDorksky when Kamala is turning it the fuck out with speeches indicting Trump?

Do you believe in America? Kamala Harris believes in America, and her Saturday speech calls out for justice, and righteousness; where Barack Obama struck hopeful, dulcet, aspirational tones, Harris strikes sharp chords of urgency. To say that she read Trump the riot act would be, and is, an understatement; what she did here raised a crucial reality that some Dems refuse to see. Trump MUST be prosecuted. The Democratic nominee will wear many hats, and one of the most important of those hats is that of a prosecutor. There is a case to be made against Donald J. Trump, hell, there are so many cases, and as far as Harris is concerned, who better to make that case, but a COP? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Kamala Harris at the South Carolina Democratic Convention June, 22 2019 youtu.be

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc