Cards Against Humanity Job Posting Is The Greatest Thing You Will See Today
What a fun day we have been having! But not as fun as the good people who work for Cards Against Humanity, the sort of ur-Wonkette card game (even though there are still other card games you could ALSO buy, just saying, whatever) that is SO rude and SO gross and SO fun and SO fun to play! They are looking for a new CEO, and here is their job listing, which we are copy-and-pasting all of, it's not like Craigslist needs the traffic:
Cards Against Humanity is hiring a CEO! (Chicago)
compensation: We will award you 51% of our company and you can set your own salary.
employment type: full-time
Cards Against Humanity, the #1 best-selling party game, is hiring a new CEO!
Let's face it: we have no idea what we're doing. This year, we wasted an enormous amount of time and energy trying to get Hillary Clinton elected President, and on Black Friday we dug a huge hole in the ground because we wanted to find out if it would be funny. It's been a great run, but now it's time for real adult leadership.
We are seeking a highly qualified executive to run our company who meets the following requirements:
- Strong public speaking skills
- Steady disposition, remains cool under pressure
- Willing to inherit the consequences of eight years of irresponsible spending
- Excellent negotiator able to deal with stubborn opposition
- Experience hunting terrorist masterminds
- Minimum eight years experience President of the United States of America or equivalent nation
- Strongly prefer the first black editor of Harvard Law Review
- Must currently hold a national approval rating of 57.2% or higher
- Passed comprehensive healthcare reform
- Natural born citizen of the United States
- Proficient in Microsoft Word, Excel, and PowerPoint
The ideal candidate will be excited to travel for work and be a recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize.
Women and minorities are strongly encouraged to apply.
What's In It for You?
If you are the right candidate, we will award you 51% of our company and you can set your own salary.
- Health/dental/vision insurance (while available)
- Generous vacation time
- A new computer
- Pre-tax transit benefit
- Access to office pantry with unlimited almonds
Paid relocation to Chicago is available. Also, you can be our new Dad if you want (optional but strongly preferred).
About the Company
Cards Against Humanity is a game company based in Chicago, IL with about 30 employees. We run a coworking space for independent artists, a full-ride scholarship for women getting degrees in STEM fields, a political action committee, an international shipping company, a private island, and a castle in Ireland. We've also raised nearly $5 million for our nonprofit partners: the Wikimedia Foundation, the Sunlight Foundation, Electronic Frontier Foundation, and DonorsChoose.org, where Cards Against Humanity has funded over 13,000 teacher projects in high-poverty classrooms across the United States.
If you meet our qualifications, please email firstname.lastname@example.org.
WASN'T THAT FUN? DIDN'T IT MAKE YOU HAPPY? YES
WE CAN IT DID!
Now it's your turn! Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to help Your Wonkette make its own Cards Against Humanity expansion pack, which we have been meaning to do forever, because Cards Against Humanity is super-cool about licensing its likeness to anyone who wants to do stuff at it, like a Wonkette Expansion Pack!
So you go down there, and you do your open thread "I am eating pancakes" or what the fuck ever you ramble on about, and then you ALSO do funny "answer cards" and "question cards" (black cards and white cards, if you want to be racist about it) that are Wonkette-themed or -related!
If you do them good, we will make that for you. OR WILL WE? Yes we will, and YES WE CAN.
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.