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Hello Kristen.Our favorite New Jersey hooker who accidentally destroyed Eliot Spitzer's political career is just a dumb kid trying to make sense of a crazy world, right? And the only interesting thing in her entire life already happened. And she didn't even know it! She had no idea who Spitzer even was, because who would know those things, being an adult, living in New York, and working for an expensive escort service serving Wall Street men, right? So she finally pops her head out of the media hole, finds Diane Sawyer (who happens to be spending months doing some teevee segment on prostitutes, who are mostly -- and tragically -- ugly old junkies), and declares that she wants a "singing career."


Dude, you already had a singing career, and it was more than most would-be pop vocalists achieve. You sold a few thousand mp3s of your shitty song, back in March, BECAUSE YOU WERE A FAMOUS NOVELTY FOR LIKE A WEEK, which is seriously the only reason anybody is ever going to pay you money to hear your voice, and that is long over, see?

Gawker pimp Hamilton Nolan offers six additional career options for The Gal Who Was Kristen, and then concedes that only one of them -- porn, obvs. -- has the potential to actually make some real cash. "This would also get you out of Jersey," writes Nolan. "Think about it."

Seven Careers for Ashley Dupre [Gawker]

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ProPublica released a recording yesterday of children in a Customs and Border Protection (CBP) detention facility crying for their parents after being subjected to the tender mercies of the New Cruelty.

The children are distraught, sobbing, inconsolable (not that the Border Patrol agents seem especially interested in consoling them). As ProPublica notes, "They scream 'Mami' and 'Papá' over and over again, as if those are the only words they know." You do not want to listen. But maybe you must.


One Border Patrol agent makes a very amusing joke as he hears all the children crying: "Well, we have an orchestra here [...] What's missing is a conductor."

Can anyone doubt that SS guards made similar jokes as children were unloaded from boxcars?

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Mark Sanford is all mopey because he just lost his cushy Congress job after Donald Trump said mean things about him on Twitter. This was not the expected ending of a distinguished career, which involved lying to his constituents as governor about his whereabouts because he was conducting a clandestine affair.

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