Cartoon Violence Wants More Violence
It hasn't been easy for your guest-blogger this week, folks. I'm not really sure how Alex and Ken manage to ride the tidal wave of hate that is the output of the Washington press corps month after month and maintain their sanity. And despite a seemingly promising note from the Washington Post ombudsman (who's actually a woman, but never mind that for the moment) who wanted to know about my quest to save Mary Worth, there's been no follow-up from her and thus it looks like the last reason anyone might have for purchasing that rag has gone up in smoke, despite my best efforts to help.
So it's no wonder that this week's Cartoon Violence is dedicated to politicians perpetrating senseless acts of violence upon each other ... or on themselves.
The weapon: Hillary Clinton's purse; various boxing gloves over the fists of various other candidates.
Satisfaction level: High. It doesn't sound very promising to describe it, but the purse does meet Al's head with a satisfying WHAM! It's probably filled with bricks or something. Here's hoping the male candidates have rolls of nickels in their gloves.
The weapon: A flame thrower wielded by a vengeful Valerie Plame.
Satisfaction level: Middling. Sure, Cheney is dancing away in anguish, and is depicted as much more grossly obese than he is in real life, but the cartoon medium does not allow us to actually smell the charred flesh.
The weapon: The razor sharp claws of Gallus gallus domesticus, the common chicken.
Satisfaction level: Low. I don't even think the claws are breaking the skin. The least the damn bird could do is poop on him.
The weapon: An ordinary elementary-school-style pencil sharpener ... and self-loathing.
Satisfaction level: Very low. Sure, Rove is grinding his own flesh into hamburger, but where's the screaming? Where area the fountains of blood? It just reinforces the perception that he's an inhuman mandroid who can't feel pain, no matter how much we might want him to.
The weapon: Tommy guns and bombs, wielded by other congress members.
Satisfaction level: Very high. KILL CONGRESSMEN, KILL! UNTIL NONE ARE LEFT! MUHAHAHAHAHA! --THE COMICS CURMUDGEON