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Chaos At The Primacaucus!

This is actually Scholz's Garten two weeks agoYour brave Wonkette editor attended a real live Texas primacaucus, and after 1.25 hours of panic, mayhem, and kvetching old people, she emerges victorious to tell you that she almost changed her goddamn voter registration to whichever party it is that supports the dictators. Horrors and elementary school chair-flinging, after the jump!


So the primacaucus took place at a local elementary school, because there was no other place the Authorities could gather such a large crowd of people and force them to sit in comically small chairs. A man stood outside handing out Obama stickers, and gave one to a small Asian girl. "How old are you?" he said kindly.

"Thirty-two," she said. "I get that a lot."

Approximately 6 million people, including a local PBS show celebrity, gathered inside the cafeteria and waited for the Caucus Queen or the Precinct Chair or some other elderly lady who had a "Voter Roll" or somesuch that would help to process all the bodies. People stood around with their kids, a few old folks reclined in their Rascals, and the young folks chatted each other up in a manner that suggested Barack Obama has more than one way of bringing people together.

Within five minutes, this beautiful civic exercise began to feel like a trip to the DMV. Eventually the Caucus Queen arrived and started shouting, and nobody could hear her since they were busy talking loudly and complaining. Old people were given more chairs to sit in. Pregnant people were given more chairs to sit in. Chairs were given more chairs to sit in. The temperature in this horrible cafeteria rose to four million degrees.

Eventually they set up the sign-up sheets, and throngs massed to the front of the room. Your editor was reminded of a teenage misadventure when she went to see a terrible jam band in a far-flung corner of Vermont, and after the show 300,000 people on mushrooms tried simultaneously to board 4 buses back to the parking lots.

A little girl and her mom stood in front of us in line. The girl carried a notepad bearing the true message of this evening: "This is boring. I hate it. All I hear is bla bla bla." Eventually we signed in, and the Democratic process worked its magic, and all was forgiven.

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