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Today in "Who's Not Being a Giant Dumbfuck about Pot Now?" we present to you ... Charles Krauthammer. Yes, the good doctor (he's a Harvard trained psychiatrist, ya know) went on Bill O'Reilly's terrible show sometime recently and the two began a spirited discussion on the Seattle Hempfest where cops not only handed out munch-tastic Doritos and cleverly titled "here's how much pot you can have" literature, they did not arrest a single person! But then things got all interesting and shit when Krauthammer began to opine about how things would be in a Krauthammer NeoCon Stoner World:


If I were starting a society from scratch, I would outlaw alcohol and allow marijuana, conservative columnist and pundit Charles Krauthammer said on the O’Reilly Factor Tuesday.

To wit O'Reilly began screaming "SHUT UP SHUT UP! I would NEVER live in that place you pinhead! If I can't get two wines in a gal I'd never get to the falafel shower sex!" Or something like that.

Charles Krauthammer then went on to explain that no really, pot is not all that bad, it's not like abortion or anything, because just when he has us thinking, huh, a lucid moment from that corpse looking dude, he has to remind us that no, he is still a bloodthirsty neocon warmongering shitbag full of lies, and we wouldn't wanna live in his world even for free pot:

Look, marijuana is not the worst thing in the world. There’s a lot worse, there are harder drugs, there is alcoholism, there’s abortion, the crime, a lot of other stuff."

Krauthammer continues to screw up all his logical reasoning and whatnot with a pre-fucked-up-endgame to lawfully allowing adults to smoke weed if they want to, by explaining a terrible thing no one is proposing: letting the kiddos get high.

The worst thing about a stoned child is they’re missing out on the periods of learning — social and moral and educational. They lose thousands of hours of their lives when they need to be developing. And that’s what you lose with marijuana.

However, the best thing about a stoned child would be how they would sit and watch tv for thousands of hours and leave us alone and not be all back-talky and obnoxious. But no one is saying we should do that, so just shut the fuck up Charles Krauthammer.

Oh, and what's all this now?  At the same time Charles Krauthammer is standing up for legalization in his own perfectly rational world where pot is okay and alcohol is like abortion, he busts out an article straight up slamming Obamz for letting Eric Holder talk about making non-violent weed offenses less jail-timey. Because if there is one thing Charles Krauthammer can't stand, it's missing an opportunity to say that President Obama is wrong about a thing that Charles Krauthammer actually thinks is right.

Nevermind, Charles Krauthammer still sucks.

[The Daily Caller / Think Progress]

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HOLY ACHTUNG TWITTER IS FREAKING OUT! Special Counsel Robert Mueller's office (SCO) has issued a statement, almost 24 full hours after Buzzfeed's story on Donald Trump ordering Michael Cohen to lie to Congress about the failed Trump Tower Moscow deal started blowing everybody's minds. Mueller's spokesman says actually BuzzFeed got it a bit wrong. This is significant because 1) Mueller's office NEVER talks, and B) well, they're not actually saying BuzzFeed got it WRONG wrong. Just, you know, kinda wrong.

Wow, that statement is lawyered as fuck. BuzzFeed described "specific statements" wrong, and its "characterization of documents and testimony" was just an eensy bit off, and maybe if BuzzFeed moved this sofa over here it would take advantage of more natural light in the room, and honestly, BuzzFeed should trim up this one paragraph of its article, because those sentences DO NOT SPARK MARIE KONDO'S JOY.

Otherwise, it's great!

First of all, we want everybody to relax. Donald Trump is still a criminal.

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It's been a joy watching the reactions come in from TrumpWorld about the news that Donald Trump has committed YET ANOTHER CRIME, in this case suborning perjury by instructing his former lawyer thug fixer Michael Cohen to lie to Congress. How many other people did he do that with? WE DUNNO! But that's not what this post is about.

First of all, let's see what the big guy himself did. As with all presidential statements from the un-president, it happened on Twitter:

Oh wait, that's (grapes) not it. Here it is:

That's right, the president of the United States reacted to a bombshell news report exposing that he had tampered with a witness by suborning perjury by ... tampering with that witness some more in public, by threatening his father-in-law! (To be fair, Trump has been trying to intimidate the witness by encouraging the feds to investigate Cohen's father-in-law for a hot minute now. It's one of his things, like tweeting and pooping at the same time and comparing WALL to WHEEL.)

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