Charlie Kirk Geopolitics Corner: Will China Bomb Taiwan Because Of Vermont Drag Show?

Oh shitfuckdamn, the geopolitical crisis starts NOW, and we hate to say it, but it's the drag queens' fault. Which ones? All of them, obviously, but specifically some drag queens in Vermont at a football game. Pantshitting Christian Right weirdos are upset about it, that much is to be expected, but we didn't realize there was going to be maybe World War 3, but HERE WE ARE.

Charlie Kirk explains, in one of those white cisgender male rants that he imagines comes off far tougher than it does in reality, that the drag queens in Vermont are but one way "transgender garbage" is taking over America and will somehow lead to the Chinese invasion of Taiwan.

Don't say it doesn't make sense, it's not supposed to make sense, it's supposed to make white men in the exurbs poop their pants while they shoot guns in the air like pew pew pew!

CHARLIE KIRK: At a high school in Vermont, just to kind of show the state of the nation, what are they doing during a high school football game? Oh, they're having a drag show. [...]

This is a report of a local news outlet that a high school, a public high school, has a – this is in Burlington, Vermont, the godless, soulless, Burlington, Vermont – they have a drag show.

They did! It was homecoming, and it was cute and faculty even participated and Charlie Kirk is having a pantshit about that.

So Charlie played the clip of fun people in Vermont having fun and nobody being hurt by it, then came back MAD because he was MAD.

KIRK: Kids on TikTok are saying that they are using "demon" as a pronoun. No joke. It's a new thing, that — and of course, it's not a spiritual war, everybody, nothing to see here ...

Hahahahaha, kids these days. We have no idea what the TikTok trend is. All we can tell you is that if you google "demon" and "TikTok" you will find such notable luminaries as Kirk and also Steven Crowder having a pantshit about it, and literally nobody else. So we are sure it's a very serious issue in American society.

KIRK: Dave Chapelle is now being potentially cancelled for being hilarious.

No it's because he's an asshole. And spoiler, but he's not very funny anymore. There was a time. That time is not now.

KIRK: And it all ties together, all of this. The hyper-sensitivity, the inactivity, the anarcho-tyranny —

Charlie knows words.

KIRK: But don't worry everybody, according to the US State Department it is International Pronoun Day. Everything's great. It is international pronoun day.

We had not heard! But apparently it is and the State Department tweeted about it and you know who's mad about that? Only the worst, most useless people this country ever produced.

Here is where China sees a drag show in Vermont and has such a conniption it bombs Taiwan:

KIRK: Meanwhile, China is testing scientific — no, hypersonic missiles. If I was Xi Jinping and I saw that Netflix employees are walking out over saying gender is a fact, if I were Xi Jinping and I saw drag queen halftime show, I would take Taiwan over lunch.

Good thing Xi Jinping is not dealing with whatever psychosexual issues seem to haunt poor Charlie Kirk!

KIRK: And the State Department says it's International Pronoun Day. This is a real thing — and, oh, Media Matters will love this — the transgender garbage is making America a dangerous place. It allows our enemies an opportunity to take us over.

Hahahahaha OK. You bet. But how, though? How does this give our enemies an opportunity? Is the State Department so busy watching fabulous drag shows and tweeting about pronouns that it has no idea China is doin' missile stuff? Is that the job of the social media person at State, to monitor Chinese missile activity?

How, Charlie? Show your work.

As for Kirk saying "transgender garbage," oh boy, he sure is fishing for a reaction to that one, isn't he? Some outrage? Some evidence he has just owned the libs? What a very big man with very tough words he is!

if you watch the video, you can see how ragey he gets when he's about to say it, but also kind of excited. We imagine his heart-rate accelerated just a bit. And then you can see him kinda gulp and take a breath afterward, like he's telling himself yeah, he just stood up to transgender people who have done nothing to harm him, and yet obviously make him so uncomfortable.

The point is, Charlie Kirk can go fuck himself.

Hey remember that time Tucker Carlson had a personal masculinity crisis over pregnant troops and Black women troops' hairstyles, because he thought the Chinese military was so manly and he wanted us to be just like the big strong masculine hairy Chinese military?

Our point is that these white conservative men get shrinkage over the strangest things, but they are always the same things.

We'd ask a psychologist what they thought about this but it doesn't seem necessary.


[Media Matters]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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