Charlie Kirk Knows Who's Like Jesus, And It's Kyle Rittenhouse! PEW! PEW! BANG! BANG!

New Jesus, we guess.

Have y'all read that huge thing from a couple months back in The Atlantic about how the evangelical church is eating itself from the inside, having really sort of invented a whole new religion inside of another religion, one that's very much about its members' identities as followers saved by Donald Trump, and really not as much about any sort of Christianity anymore? It's a good read, and you should read it if you haven't.

We've been watching this batfucking crazy white supremacist pocket pool tournament Charlie Kirk has been throwing the past few days, and these moments just keep happening that reinforce the story told in The Atlantic. Donald Trump Jr. actually stood on the stage and said yeah, he knows the Bible is all turn the other cheek and shit, but that's gotten them nowhere, so they should stop being so loving and be tuff guys or whatever. That was weird.

Here's you another one. If you've been watching Twitter, you might have seen the hero's welcome Kyle Rittenhouse got, because he went with his big boy guns to a protest in a state where he didn't live and he killed some people there, and a jury decided that was fine. We guess that's what gets you laid, at a Turning Point USA fuck-orgy.

And now here's TPUSA leader Charlie Kirk, talking about Rittenhouse to the host of some idiot fundamentalist Christian conspiracy theory show called "FlashPoint," on Kenneth Copeland's network. (Yes, some high quality people we're dealing with here!) And oh, the weird things Kirk has to say about Kyle Rittenhouse.

In that clip, Kirk calls Kyle Rittenhouse's acquittal not only a victory for due process and the Constitution, but also for "biblical values." Admittedly we have only read the Bible cover to cover several times, so we may have forgotten the story where Mary dropped 18-year-old Jesus off in a neighboring land with weapons from home so he could go fuck up some shit like some loser Rambo wannabe, but we also must admit there are a number of missing years in the Gospels.

Then Kirk says that, like Jesus and many other Bible characters, Kyle Rittenhouse was "falsely accused." Which is interesting because we're pretty sure it's never been in question that he killed those guys. It's just that a jury decided it wasn't murder.

So ...


This is where the conservative movement is right now, politically and spiritually.

Oh, also this is where the conservative movement is right now, politically and spiritually, but we are not going to set it up for you, because that would spoiler the whole thing.

Youuuuu betcha.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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