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Who is being a stupid asshole today? It is the editorial board of the Chicago Tribune! Happy to get in on the "hot takes from last decade" trend our Robyn chronicled so ably yesterday, the ed board apparently sat in a circle, sniffed their own wind, and then chose the sphincter that was most noxious among them to expel "thoughts" on Masterpiece Cakeshop v. Colorado Civil Rights Commission, the gay wedding cake case currently before the Supreme Court.


To be forced to create a cake for a same-sex wedding is a similar burden [to a New Hampshire resident having to display "Live Free or Die" on his license plate, so we're already deep into WTF]. Imagine a Jewish baker being required to put a swastika on a cake. In other contexts, the state of Colorado is more understanding: It sided with bakers who refused to provide cakes with messages disparaging same-sex marriage. So while Colorado is content to exempt some bakers from compelled speech, it wants ["Christian" baker Jack] Phillips compelled to create an opposite message.

First up: Fuck you.

Second: Fuck you harder.

Third with a snap in Z formation: "Nazi" is not a protected class for public accommodation under the law, but we'll be sure to let you know should that change. The affianced couple were asking for the same cake the baker, Jack Phillips, would create for anyone else, and he refused to provide it before even asking whether there'd be a big ol' gay cock topper. If those Jewish bakers were regularly creating swastika cakes, but wouldn't sell that same cake to a Nazi, the Nazi miiiight have a case! Except he still wouldn't, because "Nazi" is not an immutable characteristic, like "gay" is, unless you count those "ex-gay" guys "married" to "ex-lesbians."

Fourth: Really, just fuck you again, that was disgusting. Was the Chicago Tribune done being stupid and shitty? Nah dude.

The lawyers for the couple claimed that allowing the bakery to refuse them would be akin to letting a business bar black customers. But race has an exceptional status in anti-discrimination law, supported by constitutional amendments. And the places once closed to blacks — restaurants, motels, bathrooms — served more urgent needs than those at stake here. Blacks traveling in the South during the Jim Crow era might be unable to find any place to attend to basic bodily functions. A lawyer for Phillips argued that if a merchant refuses service to a black person, the merchant’s objection clearly is to the person, not to expressing a message.

So we guess if a bakery -- instead of a restaurant, motel, or bathroom -- wants to refuse service to black people, under the Tribune's formulation, that's fine! The Civil Rights Act disagrees. Also, word word word "the merchant's objection is to the person, not the message." Fine, let's make them an interracial couple instead of a black guy, Tribune. Many "religions" would refuse to endorse that "message," for which they have very ugly words and sometimes murder. Do they have to accept a cake order once they find out the groom is an urban? Why or why not? (Please answer in haiku or interpretive dance.)

Gay couples in Colorado have far more options for their wedding confections. [David] Mullins and [Charlie] Craig could have easily gotten what they wanted without forcing a baker to swallow his objections.

Oh, haha, what a clever reference to the gay couple trying to force the poor baker to swallow their homosexual loads. Don't let anyone ram nothin' down your throats, Chicago Tribune editorial board. Shove it up your asses instead!

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Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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