China Thinking Now Might Be A Good Time To Conquer America

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Morgan Stanley and Goldman Sachs, the two largest independent investment banks to not have been brutally murdered yet, are... moderately fucked? Both companies' stock prices have been dropping a solid 10-20% each of the last few days, but supposedly that will curtail when people calm the fuck down. WHICH WILL NEVER HAPPEN, which is why Morgan Stanley will now besold to the Chinese government for two crusty dildos and a pack of Luckies.


China! They must be loving this. Just a few weeks ago they were chillin' in Beijing, pretending to watch their Olympics and secretly planning the final details for their impending ground war on the United States of America. "Or we could just continue to buy them," said an advisor to President Hu Jintao. Jintao decided they'd buy the United States for a little while longer, a few months, and then maybe next Spring during the nice weather they'd come over for the final rape- and decapitation-heavy killfest. Jintao and his advisers then went to T.G.I. Friday's for top shelf Mojitos, only to be greeted by former New Jersey Gov. Jim McGreevey wearing a blueberry-flavored condom on his ring finger, and nothing else.

Anyway. China! The United States is currently being fucked sideways by eighteen thousand new flavors of debt, and it needs it summathat China money! China has no need to invade us anymore, or even strategize. We have SO MUCH DEBT that we'll soon be giving our country's finest virgins to these Chinese investors as courtesy gifts so long as they keep buying our debt. We'll come to them on hand and foot! Smoothest coup d'etat of all time.

Which brings us to the point of this post, which is that China's state-controlled fund may buy a 49% stake in Morgan Stanley.

Morgan, Goldman Shares Decline as Confidence Wanes [Bloomberg]

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