Chinese Spy (?) Finds Out The Hard Way You Have To PAY THE DOORMAN If You Want To See Mr. Trump
Big round of applause for the Secret Service, Wonkers! They caught the Chinese Hamburglar trying to sneak into Mar-a-Lago on Saturday during the president's "working vacation." Okay, fine, actually the receptionist caught her. But after that, the Secret Service totally snapped into action and arrested that random Chinese lady with four cellphones, two passports, a laptop, and a malware-infected thumb drive, who showed up without a bathing suit and announced she was going for a swim.
According to a criminal complaint filed Monday in the Southern District of Florida, Yujing Zhang presented her two passports to the Secret Service agent at the Mar-a-Lago perimeter and said she was a relative of a club member with the same surname. Which is kind of like showing up at a bar mitzvah and claiming to be a friend of the Cohens -- your odds are good.
ZHANG was then picked up by Mar-a-Lago valet driver via golf cart shuttle. At this time, the valet driver asked ZHANG where she was intending to go on Mar-a-Lago property, but ZHANG responded that she didn't know where she wanted to go. The valet driver then proceeded to driver her to the main reception area.
Once at the reception desk, Zhang attempted to talk her way in by claiming to be there for a "United Nations Chinese American Association" event. Having confirmed that said event did not exist, the heroic receptionist informed the Secret Service agent that Zhang was an impostor. Club members and guests pay good money for access to the American president, and this woman had the nerve to try and sneak her way in and get it FOR FREE! They don't call him President Whoredaddy because he gives that ass away for nothing, doncha know!
[Z]HANG again stated that she was there to attend a "United Nations Friendship Event" between China and the United States. ZHANG advised [Secret Service agent Samuel Ivanovich] that she came to Mar-a-Lago early for the event so she could familiarize herself with the property and take pictures. ZHANG stated she had documentation purportedly showing her invitation to the event, but agents were unable to read it, as it was in Chinese.
UH HUH. Wonder if the "documentation" looked something like this.
GY US Investments website, via Mother Jones
During the second interview of ZHANG, she claimed her Chinese friend "Charles" told her to travel from Shanghai, China to Palm Beach, Florida, to attend this event and attempt to speak with a member of the President's family about Chinese and American foreign economic relations. Agents were unable to obtain any information more specifically identifying ZHANG's purported contact, "Charles" as ZHANG claimed she has only spoken to him via "WeChat," which [Agent Ivanovich] knows from investigative research to be the dominant instant messaging platform in China.
Good that the Secret Service worked out what WeChat is. A-PLUS research there, Agent Ivanovich! Maybe plug the search terms "Charles" and "Cindy Yang" into your Google machine and see what pops up. Oh, never mind, the New York Times already did it:
Ms. Yang had advertised an event for March 30 — the day of Ms. Zhang's arrest — called the "International Leaders Elite Forum," described as a "once-in-a-lifetime opportunity" and the first event at Mar-a-Lago with "the Chinese as the protagonist," The Miami Herald reported. The event was later canceled. Ms. Yang worked with an event promoter named Charles Lee, who runs a group called the United Nations Chinese Friendship Association, which is similar to the name of the event that Ms. Zhang cited, the newspaper reported.
So either Zhang paid Yang for access to the Trump family and got stiffed, or she saw that Trump's squishy, orange bits are totally unguarded in Florida and figured she'd take a flyer. Or maybe she's a Chinese spy, who the hell even knows! The point is, don't even think about blaming the Secret Service. Because they're just cops with metal detectors, okay?
The Secret Service does not determine who is invited or welcome at Mar-a-Lago; this is the responsibility of the host entity. The Mar-a-Lago club management determines which members and guests are granted access to the property. This access does not afford an individual proximity to the President or other Secret Service protectees. In such instances, additional screening and security measures are employed. With the exception of certain permanently protected facilities, such as the White House, the practice used at Mar-a-Lago is no different than that long-used at any other site temporarily visited by the President or other Secret Service protectees.
While the Secret Service does not determine who is permitted to enter the club, our agents and officers conduct physical screenings to ensure no prohibited items are allowed onto the property.
Roger that. You guys didn't even manage to catch an intruder so bumbling and inept that she more or less has to be freelancing. But just in case a competent spy slips up and manages to get caught, you'd like us to know in advance that this is all the Mar-a-Lago staff's fault.
BUT. HER. FUCKIN'. EMAILS.
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.