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Chris Christie Nopes Out Of Chief Of Staff Job, Has 15% Popularity Rating To Uphold

White House

Update! What timing! Surprise! (see end of article!) The winter replacement national reality show "Find President Pissybaby a Chief Of Staff" is almost into its second week, and since that dreamboat Nick Ayers suddenly left the set for "Cake Boss," it's mostly been a parade of possible contestants saying no thanks, they too would rather appear on any other reality show ever, like maybe one involving refurbishing vintage Soviet-bloc cars for the rally circuit. At this point, Donald Trump's choices appear to be down to Jared Kushner and maybe Charo.


The latest no-can-do came today from Chris Christie, whose name inexplicably keeps getting mentioned as a possibility for Trump jobs even though Kushner hates Christie's guts for putting his daddy in jail. For all we know, Trump keeps floating Christie just to taunt Jared. "Let's you and him fight!" is yoooooge for ratings, after all.

Christie met with Trump yesterday, but no actual offer had been made, so today, he issued a statement clarifying no offer should be made, not that it was likely to happen:

It's an honor to have the President consider me as he looks to choose a new White House chief of staff. However, I've told the President that now is not the right time for me or my family to undertake this serious assignment [...]

As a result, I have asked him to no longer to keep me in any of his considerations for this post.

Yessir, it's a pretty busy time for Chris Christie and his family, you bet:

Wouldn't want to spoil his chances for attorney general or maybe "Dancing With the Stars." Still, Trump must've been tempted. Under the current org chart, Jared and Ivanka both report to the chief of staff, and that might have been almost as much fun for the big man as when he could set Jared against Steve Bannon and watch 'em both sputter in rage.

As for Jared, he had a meeting with Trump Wednesday and is reportedly lobbying for the job, because now that he's solved the opioid crisis, brought peace between Israel and the Palestinians, and consoled the Saudi Prince over that journalist MBS had to kill, he has some time on his hands and wants to make himself useful to his father-in-law, or at least keep an eye on his chief romantic rival.

Kushner has been pushing his own candidacy with Trump, citing his work on a criminal justice reform package and a claimed ability to work with Democrats, one person said. "I don't know why he thinks that, when the Democrats are mainly going to be coming after Trump," the source said.

Trump said Thursday he's down to about five finalists, but then it's Trump, so it seems safe to assume either he's already picked Kushner or has decided not to ever make a decision. HuffPo's guess at the short list is as good as anyone else's, probably.

It is unclear who the five finalists Trump claimed he was looking at are. Former deputy campaign manager David Bossie is scheduled to have lunch with Trump Friday at the White House. Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich is also thought to be under consideration, while Trump is soliciting names from the legal community in New York City, where he lived his entire life before winning the presidency in 2016.

Hilariously fucked though the results might be, we really can't see Trump choosing Gingrich, because even Trump has to know Newt has one of the few egos to rival his own, and would constantly be portraying himself as the genius behind anything that happens in the White House. Worse, Gingrich fancies himself a historian (historians beg to differ), and would no doubt irritate Trump with endless references to people and events Trump has never heard of. It wouldn't even help that Gingrich would almost certainly be wrong about why those things are important. Gringrich, famously, is a stupid person's idea of what a smart person looks like, but Trump would hate the competition.

So maybe we're doomed to hearing "chief of staff Jared Kushner" coming out of our TV speakers. Like, unless Lily Tomlin is willing to do some deep-cover trolling and apply for the job -- no way would Trump ever recognize her from "The West Wing."

You ready for an OPEN THREAD? Us too.

Update: Haha, "Acting"!

Guess he'll keep his job running OMB, too, because what even is that? Do we need one of those anyway?

[HuffPo / CNN]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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