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Christmas-Hating Republican Party Selling 'Happy Holidays' Ornaments

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Conservatives are constantly telling us we are not allowed to wish people "Happy Holidays," even if we don't know their religion, and even if we are talking to freedom-loving Israeli settlers, because everyone everywhere should celebrate Jesus' birfday. But apparently the Republican Party hates the baby messiah and his righteous Black Friday Taiwanese Blu-Ray players, because they areselling a "Limited Edition 2010 RNC Holiday Ornament" in their online store. WHERE ARE WE SUPPOSED TO HANG THAT, RNC, ON A "HOLIDAY" TREE? Are we supposed to attach it to a shrine to Malcolm X/Michael Steele on "Kwanzaa"? Heathens!


Who tricked our Chinese factory-children Magi into making such a disgusting thing? This sounds like a job for the American Family Association!

Randy Sharp, director-special projects at the AFA, said that in the past five years the group has seen the percentage of retailers recognizing Christmas in their advertising rise from 20 percent to 80 percent. Just eight retailers are left on the group's list of "Companies Against Christmas."

Well, perfect! They need a new store to bully out of showing respect for people from diverse backgrounds, and we found one for them. We will not be buying ANYTHING from the GOP store this Christmas until they apologize to the Baby Jesus for offending his Chosen People: White Evangelicals with too much time on their hands.

Also, anyone who has ever voted Republican will now burn in Hell for this. [GOP Store/MSNBC via Wonkette operative "Brian M."]

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The producers of your favorite live-action Jack Chick pamphlet, "God's Not Dead" -- you know, the one where the Hercules dude plays an evil philosophy professor who tells all of his students on the first day that they are no longer allowed to believe in god? As all secular professors do? -- have come out with a thrilling new movie, all about how abortion is bad or whatever.

The movie tells the "true" story of Abby Johnson, a former Planned Parenthood clinic worker turned professional anti-choicer. Johnson has been a darling of the forced birth circuit ever since she made up ridiculous and provably false reasons for quitting the Planned Parenthood that was about to fire her for being bad at her job.

Basically, she claims that Planned Parenthood was pushing her to make more abortions happen so they could reel in more dough, and also that she witnessed (for the first time ever!) an ultrasound-guided abortion and saw the baby move from the light and then immediately realized that what she was doing was wrong.

The thing is, however -- no ultrasound-guided abortions were performed on the day she said it happened, and the only reason there was an uptick in abortions at her clinic was because they started offering the abortion pill on a daily basis (and had previously only been performing surgical abortions every other Saturday).

As you may have guessed, the movie does not address any of these things. It also looks very, very bad.

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Ever since Ruth Bader Ginsburg successfully underwent surgery for lung cancer, conservative sites and message boards have been trafficking in a ridiculous theory that she is actually dead and that there is some kind of Weekend at Bernie's-esque conspiracy to pretend she is still alive.

Now, one would think that her recent public appearance at a concert held in her honor would have put this to rest. Alas, it did not. Rather, the "researchers" (as they hilariously call themselves) determined that the concert was actually her funeral.

No. Really. That was a thing.

I admit that I gave this a lot more thought than I should have. Like, how did they think this would go? How long did they imagine this would go on for? Why would they risk having a full on funeral concert, open to the press? Wouldn't they just have not bothered to have a funeral at all? And what did these people think was going to happen when it was announced that she died for real? Or did they think that we were going to pretend that she is immortal and thus never announce her death? It's so confusing!

Being very up to date on the "RBG is secretly dead!" nonsense, I was very curious about which way the "anons" would go with this when they announced her return to work on Friday. They did not disappoint!

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