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Your British spy boyfriend Christopher Steele


Let's keep SNEAKY DIANNE FEINSTEIN'S Fusion GPS transcript story going a while longer, shall we? It's really fucking important.

We liveblogged the transcript for SIX WHOLE HOURS, so if you missed that, please click right here. We've already done some analysis on why it's super freaking obvious why Chuck Grassley, Donald Trump, and the rest of the paste-eating dingleshits in the GOP wanted to keep the transcript under wraps. But now let's take the briefest of moments to note that, according to Fusion GPS co-founder Glenn Simpson, British spy Christopher Steele, American Patriot, stopped giving the FBI his intel "sometime" in the week before the 2016 election, because he was worried the FBI wasn't being an honest broker about the safety, security, and sovereignty of the US and A, and was instead overrun with Trump-fellating dildo truffles intent on burying any information that might suggest their future orange boy king might be a literal actual Russian intelligence asset.

And whatever gave Steele that idea?

IT WAS A REAL HALLOWEEN SPECIAL!

Allow us to time-travel you back to Halloween of 2016. You were dressed as "Slutty Private Email Server," and you looked HAWT. That day, Slate published a story by Franklin Foer about a weird Trump Organization server that communicated almost exclusively with a server in Russia owned by Alfa Bank. When it wasn't doing that, it was communicating with a server owned by the DeVos family's Spectrum Health. HMMM WONDER WHY! Slate was trying to figure it out, and months later, it was reported that the FBI was still trying to figure it out. (Now, all these months later, we have no reason to believe special counsel Robert Mueller is not still ON IT. Hey what's this? Mueller just hired a badass CYBER PROSECUTOR? Huh!)

The same day, Mother Jones reporter David Corn published the first public report about what came to be known as the Steele Dossier. It didn't identify Steele -- he was a "veteran spy" -- but contained explosive allegations that indeed, Steele had been communicating with the FBI about how he had uncovered a massive Trump-Russia conspiracy.

That night, disgraced former New York Times (and fired by CNN!) reporter Eric Lichtblau got a BEE IN HIS TAINT. He had been working on the Alfa Bank story too! He got scooped by mere bloggers at Slate! GRRRRRR! So he talked to "source" at the FBI (some Trump idiot probably), who told him "NO RUSSIA NO RUSSIA YOU ARE THE RUSSIA," and, having achieved the kind of erection a seasoned reporter only gets when he has a SIZZLING HOT SCOOP, he copy/pasted what "source" said and immediately published a story clearing Trump of all Russian crimes past, present and future. It was a fucking disgrace.

The New York Times, apparently still butthurt over how bad its reporting was that day and also all the other days of the Gregorian calendar, reported yesterday on Dianne Feinstein's release of the Fusion GPS testimony, exhibiting the same level of journalistic expertise it did on that Halloween night, just before the entire world went to hell:

The interview, with Glenn R. Simpson of Fusion GPS, provided few revelatory details about the firm’s findings on the Russian election effort or on President Trump and his campaign.

OH IT DIDN'T? THAT'S NEWS TO US. PERHAPS THE NEW YORK TIMES SHOULD READ A WONKETTE LIVEBLOG FROM TIME TO FUCKING TIME.

Seriously, NYT, we get it. You're lazy as fuck, the Washington Post is running circles around you, and you just don't feel like reading long Congressional transcripts. Please cheat off Wonkette! Hell, we will even liveblog from NYT's offices if you pay us many dollars! Why yes, we are willing to use Maggie Haberman's desk!

But wait there's more!

Simpson also testified that it wasn't just the NYT story that worried Steele, but also former FBI director James Comey's famous letter, temporarily reopening the Hillary Clinton email investigation 11 days before the election.

Comey later testified to the Senate Judiciary Committee that he HAD to send that letter in a public way, because he had previously announced in a very public way that Hillary Clinton was innocent of all email genocides and massacres. Now there was potentially new information on Anthony Weiner's laptop that maybe said she was History's Greatest Email Monster after all! Comey has also said he was worried that if he didn't say anything, the existence of NEW SEXXXY HILLARY NSFW EMAILS would leak to the press.

And whatever gave James Comey that idea?

WELL! If you will also recall, Rudy Giuliani (who is mysteriously silent these days) was on TV all the weeks before the election saying he had SECRET SOURCES (the FBI New York field office) telling him Hillary was about to be INDICTED because the FBI had found the SMOKING GUN EMAILS that proved Hillary did ... some bad stuff, who in hell even knows? Meanwhile, Blackwater sadist freak baby Erik Prince was telling Breitbart his SECRET SOURCES (in the NYPD, which is in a known same-sex relationship with the FBI NY field office) were telling him the following things:

“They found State Department emails. They found a lot of other really damning criminal information, including money laundering, including the fact that Hillary went to this sex island with convicted pedophile Jeffrey Epstein. Bill Clinton went there more than 20 times. Hillary Clinton went there at least six times,” he said.

“The amount of garbage that they found in these emails, of criminal activity by Hillary, by her immediate circle, and even by other Democratic members of Congress was so disgusting they gave it to the FBI, and they said, ‘We’re going to go public with this if you don’t reopen the investigation and you don’t do the right thing with timely indictments,’” Prince explained.

Remember, this happened after Comey sent his letter, but before he sent his second letter, which said "OOPS I DID IT AGAIN, MY BAD."

Now, were Rudy Giuliani and Erik Prince full of shit? OF COURSE THEY WERE! But note that they were leaking Moscow-style disinformation even though Comey did their bidding and stuck his dick into the election, an act that mayhaps could have been the final straw that stole the election from Hillary Clinton. (It was, and it did.)

And who was watching all this unfold? Chris Steele.

Put all these things together and Steele -- who used to be the head Russianist at MI6 for God's sake, it's not like he doesn't know how to identify when an intelligence or law enforcement agency seems compromised -- said "Fuck it, I am out, guess I will have to save America in a different way." So he went to the press! And that's why Chuck Grassley and Lindsey Graham want to give him the whole LOCK 'ER UP treatment.

Have we mentioned that the GOP is run by compromised, justice-obstructing halfwits, and that Chris Steele has more American patriotism in his uncut (we assume) British dick than anybody in America with an "R" next to his/her name? Oh, we've said it multiple times lately?

WELL, LET'S FUCKIN' SAY IT AGAIN.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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