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Remember a few months ago when Lindsey Graham and Chuck Grassley sent a criminal referral to the Department of Justice alleging that Trump-Russia dossier spy Christopher Steele had done MANY CRIMES and should go directly to jail? What crimes? Oh, just crimes, in general. LOCK HER UP!

Of course, that criminal referral went nowhere, because go fuck yourselves, Grassley and Graham.

Now Grassley has pulled a similar move, sending a criminal referral on Michael Avenatti and his client Julie Swetnick, because Grassley is 100% certain that Bitches Be Lyin' about Brett Kavanaugh maybe being party to some drunken gang rapes back when he was in high school.


In his letter, Grassley whines at length about how his precious Senate Judiciary Committee had to spend time and resources investigating Swetnick's sworn statement, when they could have been off boofing with Brett Kavanaugh. He then pieces apart all the statements Swetnick made to the media, attempting to show that she lied in her sworn statement. Then he lays out all the reasons he thinks Michael Avenatti is a liar, focusing on things completely unrelated to this case, like his tax issues.

What Grassley notably does not do is show that Avenatti and Swetnick lied to the committee, and since the committee didn't do any kind of real investigation into Swetnick's allegations, and since the FBI wasn't allowed to do any kind of real investigation into Swetnick's allegations, we feel comfortable saying that Grassley is simply blowing smoke out of his ass. Meanwhile, there are witnesses who have corroborated blackout drunk behavior from a young Brett Kavanaugh of precisely the kind Julie Swetnick alleges.

Here is the conclusion of the letter, where Grassley chides Swetnick for speaking out about what she allegedly experienced at the hands of Brett Kavanaugh:

... [W]hen individuals intentionally mislead the Committee, they divert Committee resources during time-sensitive investigations and materially impede our work. [...] When charlatans make false claims to the Committee -- claims that may earn them short-term media exposure and financial gain, but which hinder the Committee's ability to do its job -- there should be consequences.

OH FUCK OFF!

To be clear, Grassley is asking DOJ to investigate the sexual abuse victim, instead of the alleged perpetrator. And we are supposed to believe that he, with a straight face, is saying that JULIE SWETNICK is the one who has made false statements. He is not saying this about Brett Kavanaugh, who fucking perjured himself TO DEATH during his confirmation hearings, and then did it some more the day Christine Blasey Ford testified on what Kavanaugh did to her, through his crybaby wussy tears.

Avenatti, who also is in the news because he said a very very VERY stupid thing in a Time magazine interview and will never be president, seems ready to have this fight. He's doing a presser at 5:00 PM ET, and he's been active on the Twitter machine today:


And that is why Chuck Grassley, if he's not a complete idiot (he is a complete idiot), better be hoping the DOJ tells him to fuck off just like it told him and Lindsey Graham to fuck off when they tried to get Christopher Steele in big trouble mister.

Because, you see, if DOJ actually pursued this, it would have to do a real investigation into Swetnick's allegations, and Michael Avenatti would get to defend himself! Class, do you think the GOP and Grassley really want the FBI to pry into Brett Kavanaugh's rapey life for real? Fuck no, they don't.

This is stupid grandstanding, pure and simple, just like Grassley and Graham were doing with Chris Steele.

As such, Grassley is cordially invited to fuck right off and go suck on the Iowa State Fair butter cow and ram an authentic Iowa corn cob up his own ass and all kinds of other gross Iowa stuff we don't even know about.

And youse guys are invited to have an OPEN THREAD!

[Grassley letter]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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