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Haha, he doesn't use that many buttons. Control, C, and V are all he needs.Like the time he single-handedly saved the Boy Scouts from Barack Obama's indifference, Chuck Norris only latches onto a conservative cause when they're facing dire straits and need somebody who can kick his way out of them. And now, nearly a decade after 9/11, the time has come for him to make one last stand against the existence of Muslim Americans. "I welcome the plurality of religions in America and am a firm believer in the First Amendment," Norris writes. "And let me categorically restate that I'm neither an Islamaphobe nor a fear monger." That's interesting, because his column is entirely about being afraid of Muslims and trying to help others become afraid of Muslims. How much work has Norris put into this? He just plagiarized some stuff, basically.


Today the world has arrived to "Part 2" of Norris' current op-ed series on Sharia law. Norris likes to break up his columns into "parts" like this because he's rather dumb and just phoning these in his subjects require sustained attention.

Norris has compiled a "top ten" list of Sharia evidence and has spread it out over what appears to be at least three columns. Here's number 7, our favorite:

7) Legislators now in 15 states in the U.S. have put forth bills to ban international law and Shariah from being applied in their states. Are we going to label them all as paranoid? Or are they protecting our Constitution and rule of law as they should?

Are we going to label the hundreds of scoutmasters over the years who have molested Norris' beloved Boy Scouts as pedophiles? Or are 12-year-old boys, as true patriots know, just really sexy?

Number 9 is interesting, though, because Norris just cold plagiarized it from a Fox News article:

9) In 2010, a New Jersey family court judge's refused to grant a restraining order to a woman who was sexually abused by her Moroccan husband and forced repeatedly to have sex with him, ruling that the Muslim husband did not have "criminal desire to or intent to sexually assault"

Notice that typo there near the beginning? That's because Norris copied and pasted this from the Fox article and just replaced "decision not" with the word "refused":

A New Jersey family court judge's decision not to grant a restraining order to a woman who was sexually abused by her Moroccan husband and forced repeatedly to have sex with him [...] he did not have "criminal desire to or intent to sexually assault"

Here's number 10 on Norris' list:

10) On Feb. 12, 2009, Muzzammil Hassan informed New York police that he had beheaded his wife, being justified by Shariah. Hassan emigrated to the U.S. 30 years ago and, after a successful banking career, had founded Bridges TV, a Muslim-interest network which aims "to foster a greater understanding among many cultures and diverse populations." For those who think this heinous crime is just another random act of domestic violence, a study published in the spring 2009 edition of Middle East Quarterly documented how 50 honor killings in the U.S. over the past 20 years prove otherwise. In 2007, after Aqsa Parvez was murdered by her father in Toronto for not wearing hijab (a head covering), Sheila Musaji wrote in the American Muslim, "Although this certainly is a case of domestic violence ... 'honor' killings are not only a Muslim problem, and there is no 'honor' involved."

We've bolded that part in the middle about the Middle East Quarterly, because the rest of this is just plagiarized from — ready for it? — an article in the Middle East Quarterly:

On February 12, 2009, Muzzammil Hassan informed police that he had beheaded his wife. Hassan had emigrated to the United States 30 years ago and, after a successful banking career, had founded Bridges TV, a Muslim-interest network which aims, according to its website, "to foster a greater understanding among many cultures and diverse populations." [...]

In 2007, after Aqsa Parvez was murdered by her father in Toronto for not wearing hijab (a head covering), Sheila Musaji wrote in the American Muslim, "Although this certainly is a case of domestic violence … 'honor' killings are not only a Muslim problem, and there is no 'honor' involved."

Taken wholesale, right down to the parenthetical for "head covering." Chuck! If you're going to plagiarize, don't tip everyone off as to where you're taking it from!

To us, the biggest problem about people like Chuck Norris is not just that they hate others for their religious beliefs. It's that they're so pathetic and predictable when they're doing it. [WND/Fox News/Middle East Forum]

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Guys, it's been one more shit day in a shit week in the fifth shit month of another shit Trump year. Which is why I need to remind you that it's not ALL shit out there! Oh, sure, it's MOSTLY shit, but you know what isn't shit? YR WONKETTE, and the strange community of strange internet people who have made getting through all this shit a bit more tolerable, that's who and what. Which is why you should give us money, so we can keep whanging away at the walls of shit with our shovels and laughing at the shit getting all over, because one of these days we will get it all cleaned up or at least not be up to our waists in shit, and we can all laugh about what a crazy fight it was, as St. Molly Ivins always kept reminding us.

In case you're new here, let me just remind you that Wonkette literally got me, Yr Dok Zoom, out of what wasn't quite poverty, but was pretty much paycheck-to-paycheck desperation. I started reading the site shortly before Barack Obama was elected, began commenting sometime in his first term, and submitted a story tip to Rebecca a few months after she bought the site for 47 dollars and a sandwich (I now understand it was a bit more than that). It was Memorial Day 2012, and she wrote back she was busy with some "stupid thing I have to do for some muneez," but would I like to try writing a blog post myself? "I understand if you say FUCK NO. But maybe you are thinking FUCK YES?" And then she warned me she paid only in Ameros. I did, the post was forgettable but OK, and then I wrote a thing (borrowed from now long-lost comments) that went semi-viral, and suddenly I was that hottest thing in publishing, a freelancer!

In less than a year, Rebecca asked you all to buy me to be your very own pet blogger, and my life suddenly became incredibly good, like as good as an Abba song. It's as good as "Dancing Queen." Thanks to the timing of the whole thing (and to Barry Obama and Nancy Pelosi), I actually had health insurance for the first time in years, a not inconsiderable thing. And you had an Editrix who was not working 12 hour days six and a half days a week and drinking too much from stress. Your continued donations helped hire Evan full time and Robyn and Bianca part time and a whole raft of freelancers, and now Rebecca is down to eight-hour days, five and a half days a week, and drinking because there's a madman in the White House and everything's terrible.

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There is a very normal article circulating on the internet right now by a fella named Don Boys (that's not the joke, the jokes are coming), who is both an insane batshit preacher, and also an insane batshit former member of the Indiana House of Representatives. (Also sometimes he blogs at the Daily Caller about how Mike Pence really went balls deep into the gay agenda when he swore in that insane batshit gay guy Rick Grenell as America's ambassador to Germany.)

This article, of course, is about Pete Buttigieg, because what are anti-gay buffoons obsessed with right now? Pete Buttigieg. Boys (still his name) is primarily concerned not with the simple fact that Buttigieg is gay, but with how gay Buttigieg really is. IN THE SEX WAY!

Well, Don, since you asked!

Shall we dive into this thing without the proper prophylactics? We shall.

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