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Chuck Norris Commits Plagiarism In His Column All the Time

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Not an English professor in this, we guess?Yesterday, we were writing a joke about Chuck Norris copy-and-pasting other people's "information" into his column when we realized, yes, this is probably exactly what he did. We checked, and, what do you know, he did plagiarize parts of that op-ed. Is it surprising the man who's responsible for stuff like this isn't exactly intellectually honest? No. But it is rather surprising he got this by Creators Syndicate, which, despite the man being known for kicking rather than rousing political commentary, manages to place his column in actual newspapers and also crappy conservative websites like WoldNetDaily, Townhall, NewsBusters, the American Family Association, and Human Events. And it's even more surprising considering Chuck Norris plagiarizes in his column hilariously often, according to today's WONKETTE INVESTIGATION.


We have yet to receive comment from Norris or Creators Syndicate on yesterday's column, which already appears on the websites of WND, the AFA, and Townhall. NewsBusters, which has yet to post it on their site, said they would contact Creators Syndicate and "suggest they have a problem." Will Creators Syndicate stand up to Norris and ask him to explain himself? Or does his reputation strike fear into their hearts? We'll have to see.

We've only made it through the columns published by Norris in the past two months or so, but it's pretty clear he doesn't see any problem with lifting the writing of others to fill out his inane viewpoints.

Compare this paragraph from his April 18 column:

President Barack Obama's adviser on Muslim affairs, Dalia Mogahed, appeared on a British television show hosted by a member of an extremist group to talk about Shariah law. Miss Mogahed said the Western view of Shariah was "oversimplified" and that the majority of women around the world associate it with "gender justice."

To this 2009 news article in the Daily Telegraph:

President Barack Obama's adviser on Muslim affairs, Dalia Mogahed, has provoked controversy by appearing on a British television show hosted by a member of an extremist group to talk about Sharia Law.

Miss Mogahed [...] said the Western view of Sharia was "oversimplified" and the majority of women around the world associate it with "gender justice".

Compare this selection from Norris' February 14 column:

The Arabic studies program, funded by a five-year, $1.3 million Foreign Language Assistance Program federal grant, was to begin this semester at Cross Timbers Intermediate School in Mansfield School District, then spread to neighboring Davis Elementary and Howard Middle schools in the fall and to Summit High School by fall 2012.

To this paragraph from an article that appeared in the Mansfield News Mirror days before:

The Arabic studies program, funded by a federal five-year $1.3 million Foreign Language Assistance Program (FLAP) grant, was to begin this semester at Cross Timbers, then spread to Davis Elementary and Howard Middle Schools in the fall and to Summit High school by the fall of 2012.

But sometimes the martial artist gets so bored writing his political column that he plagiarizes himself. The first half of his February 28 column on communist teachers indoctrinating our children (setting aside the truth of that assertion) appears to be new material. But the second half is lifted entirely from the chapter "Calling All Millenials!" in his 2008 New York Times bestselling book Black Belt Patriotism.

Starting at "There's something the U.S. government and unions don't want you to know," Norris copy-and-pasted six straight paragraphs from his book, changing around a few words along the way to try to protect himself, we guess. But then a seventh paragraph is announced as an excerpt from the book. Not only is Norris dumb enough to plagiarize, he's consistently dumb enough to point to just exactly where he's lifting material.

We really think Chuck Norris should give up his ridiculously bad op-eds and stick to stuff like this:

Or, kicking. He's good at kicking, at least!

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Dame Peggington Noonington awakened in the New York Publick Librarie in a daze. She did not know what series of unfortunate events had led to this moment, but she vaguely remembered that last time this happened a passerby on 5th Avenue had transported her there, having found her on a stoop with eyes glazed over, muttering "Buk! Buk!" If we're being honest, she was choking on gin, but the well-meaning Good Samaritan took her for a woman craving classic literature, and Peggy was OK with allowing that illusion to stand.

As she stumbled toward the exit to summon her chauffeur -- Manuel, who was also her houseboy, who probably was responsible entirely for her current predicament, and would be subject to a talking-to about his derring-do as soon as Peggy's head stopped pounding -- she happened upon a display of new arrivals. "Buk! Buk!" she said. Swallowing hard, she grabbed a copy of Michelle Obama's book and went out onto the New York street without actually checking the book out.

Peggy arrived home safely, if a bit worse for the wear. She had been thinking about America's royal families a lot lately, especially the genteel women who serve as First Lady. She was particularly charmed by Melania Trump's show of wicked mischief last week, firing the deputy national security adviser without regret! Peggy remembered how fun it is to fire people and stuck a Post-it on her forehead to remind her to fire Manuel later, for leaving her destitute among the commoners at the librarie.

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Congratulations to the Dear Leader on his flawless victory in court against the media dogs at the CNN cesspool of evil. Donald Trump is a champion of the people's right to civil discourse, and he will not hesitate to slap those who hurt the dignity of the Supreme Leadership. Take it from Ri Chun-hee Sarah Huckabee Sanders:

Today the court made clear that there is no absolute First Amendment right to access the White House. In response to the court, we will temporarily reinstate the reporter's hard pass. We will also further develop rules and processes to ensure fair and orderly press conferences in the future. There must be decorum at the White House.

Leave aside for a moment the screaming irony of the Pussgrab Administration lecturing the press on decorum. Literally none of what the Huckster said here is true. Judge Timothy Kelly ordered the White House Press Office to reinstate Jim Acosta's hard pass immediately on Fifth Amendment grounds. He didn't reach the First Amendment issues of press access because he didn't have to.

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