Classy President Runs Even Classier Campaign

No grift too small, no humiliation too large for Team Trump. Having buckled to Nancy Pelosi like the sniveling coward he's always been, Donald Trump will finally get to make his big State of the Union speech tomorrow. Tune in for that ... NEVER. But catch Stacey Abrams give the English rebuttal, while California Attorney General Xavier Becerra delivers one in Spanish. No doubt Trump's campaign will dispatch a fundraising appeal decrying the assault on English speakers pronto!

In the meantime, though, there's rubes to be grifted! How much would you pay to have your name flashed on the chyron during the Trump campaign's livestream of the SOTU? Fifty dollars? One hundred dollars? ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS? Act now, and for as little as a $5 donation (not tax deductible!) all the little magats in MAGAland will see your name in lights!

Rush $5 to Parscale's Posse now for the great honor of having your name scroll under That Orange Lazyass while he makes up lies about immigrants. USAToday reported that Trump's campaign pulled this same scam last year, pitching the chyron at $35, but eventually reducing it to one measly Amero for quick sale. Hope Mrs. Betty Bowers, America's Best Christian, whom the campaign thinks is an IRL person who looooooves Trump, knows to hold out for the inevitable markdown on that unwanted pile of rancid Big Macs coated in self-tanner.

Quick, check under those sofa cushions, kids! Maybe you'll be the one with the golden ticket up there when Trump gets into his gross pervy fantasy riff about trafficked women with duct tape over their mouths. We hear he's going to stop HIV, maybe using Mike Pence's magical abstinence wand!

(Dead, we are DEAD now ... Okay, we got better.)

Just a couple of weeks ago, Trump was hitting up the mouthbreathers because "Nancy Pelosi would rather ignore our American Constitution than allow me to speak directly to YOU." But last year's chyron scam netted a reported $1.56 million, so now it's back to that one.

This prompted a complaint by watchdog group Public Citizen to the Office of Congressional Ethics (If Any), citing Rule V of the Rules of the House of Representatives, under which the Speaker may permit broadcast of the chamber's activities, but "Coverage made available under this clause, including any recording thereof ... may not be used for any partisan political campaign purpose." Naturally Paul Ryan got right on it! Just kidding, he was far too busy doing whatever it was he did when he was skipping leg day. But we would not be FOR SHOCKED if Miss Nancy sticks her tasteful stiletto right up Brad Parscale's ass on this one. Because you don't get to use government-generated media to subsidize your political campaign, even if your brand is grift.


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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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