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See here she is, praying to her GodIs this Democratic primary season about math, or hope? Is it about victims, victimizers, or zombies? Never before have the electoral waters been so muddied, but one thing is clear: Hillary Clinton's campaign would be a lot better off if a selection of freak events were to occur in the very near future. Her options, after the jump.


Clearly Clinton needs a break in Obama's "momentum," or "mo," as reporters sometimes awkwardly put it. But aside from getting more votes, how can Clinton make this happen?

  • Hope that Obama's dumb Republican economist aides keep blabbing to Canada about NAFTA.
  • Hope that Barry will have to testify in his slumlord friend Tony Rezko's trial.
  • Press for a re-vote in Florida.
  • Uh, hmm. Plague of chickens? Gay midget sex scandal? Power outage in Houston? Secret Mexican?

This is the weird thing, though: while it's dumb for anyone to count on luck, it's also true that some people are just luckier than others. Look at our current president, who basically lucked his way into the White House -- twice. So if a plague of chickens inexplicably fells Barack Obama, would it not be wise for people to vote for the luckier candidate? Think on that, America.

Hillary banks on a game-changing event [Ben Smith]

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Ann Coulter is not impressed with Donald Trump's presumptuous plan to stop ripping babies away from their mothers and sending them to infant prison. For quite a while, Ann has been obsessively lamenting the very idea that American people even have children to "fill their lives with joy," but now (lol, "now") Ann has shifted her rage to immigrant people. Every time you watch her waving her alien-length arms around in a ritualistic frenzy over how shitty liberals are, just remember that we have already seen the emptiness of her soul laid bare. Remember that time she wanted to eat your baby because you got a tax credit?

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Screenshot- Right Wing watch via Fox News
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It's just another Wednesday in an America that snatched kids from their parents and locked them up in old Walmarts. Trump just signed an unneeded executive order ending his heinous child separation policy, but his "the bad guy mobster in a mobster movie" tactics might've had some permanent damage. What remains of the shriveled-up soul of the grand old poor-screwing Republican party has finally had enough.

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