Clinton Family Values: Liveblogging Hillary's Indiana Midnight
Hey Clinton people, thanks for beginning a serious spamming of our comments (and every other political blog) the second Obama's huge N.C. win was announced. So, you're saying now North Carolina and Indiana won't really count because now Michigan and Florida have to count, but all for Hillary? And that is obviously Obama's fault, right? Let's liveblog Hillary's speech, which is going to not be a thing we are really looking forward to liveblogging, but thank god for wine.
First, here's the comment which is being pasted wildly, everywhere, all from fakes like "TRUE AMERICAN" and "NOT A BLACK ELITIST":
Let the citizens of Michigan and Florida have their votes counted.
Neither candidate can win without the results of these two states. The Democratic Party is DESTROYING AMERICA. Obama knows how to fool the naive Americans who voted for him. We have 50 states---not 48.
Two wrongs don't make a right---the voters in those two states DO matter!
NO OBAMA IF ALL AMERICANS CAN'T BE COUNTED!
10:33 PM -- OK! Hillary is about to speak. Still 52%/48%. So she can possibly claim a victory, but they have the Gary numbers (Gary Indiana, home of the Jacksons, all of them.
10:34 PM -- Will she come out and congratulate Barry for winning N.C.? After all, that's the first thing Obama did tonight. But he is "Mr. Gracious," which we know is an elitist thing, like washing your hands after using the toilet, or offering some food to your houseguests.
10:35 PM -- And what of John "Cougar" "Mellencamp"?
10:36 PM -- Now Chris Matthews is talking about Hillary being a bad vice president.
10:38 PM -- "Not long ago, my opponent made a prediction, he would win North Carolina, I would win Pennsylvania, and Indiana would be the tie-breaker. Well thanks to you, we won the tie, and it's on to the White House."
10:39 PM -- Oh my god, she is insane.
10:40 PM -- Well, she actually half-ass congratulated Barry for N.C.
10:41 PM -- Now here is a funny thing: Indiana has not been called by any network except, we believe, CBS, and they've since kind of backtracked.
10:41 PM -- Once again, the super-classy mocking of Obama's campaign slogan.
10:42 PM -- More begging for money. Bet there won't be a $10 Million Donation lie tomorrow.
10:42 PM -- Ha ha, one of her supporters had to yell out and remind her that she has recently been claiming to be from Scranton, which is in Pennsylvania, not Indiana.
10:43 PM -- Oh, Hilz, we bet your mom could've totally predicted a night just like this, for you. After all, she apparently lived with you for a number of years.
10:44 PM -- Bill looks redder and sicker than your editor does after a two-week outdoor-in-Arizona coke/booze bender.
10:44 PM -- Oh jesus fuck can we stop with this "ready on day one" nonsense? No, of course not, no more than we can stop her terrible campaign to make John "Abe Simpson" McCain president of the Apocalypse.
10:46 PM -- She's going to take away the oil company's profits by ... stopping the federal gas tax?
10:47 PM -- "It's so close," she says. Actually, it's not. She lost. And yet ....
10:47 PM -- "I will work for the Democratic nominee," as long as it's Hillary.
10:48 PM -- Weird because the "soldiers and veterans" have pretty much deliriously hated the Clintons -- and especially "Hitlery" and her "Hillarycare" -- ever since these two appeared on the National Scene.
10:50 PM -- What are there, 50 people in this whole place? Sure, it's getting awful late out there and most people don't have electricity, but still.
10:51 PM -- Hey somebody told her about Burma! She was all, "The fuck does that have to do with MY CAMPAIGN?" And Lanny Davis was all, "Look just act like you give a shit, it might make somebody think you know about shit."
10:52 PM -- "You know" is a particularly annoying verbal tic. And it's fake.
10:53 PM -- "Didn't Chelsea do a great job?" Applause, Chelsea dies a little.
10:53 PM -- "I know some of you enjoy seeing Bill again."
10:54 PM -- "That's why it's so important that we count the votes of Florida and Michigan. It would be a little strange to have a nominee chosen by only 48 states." OH MY GOD SHE ACTUALLY WROTE THE SPAM COMMENTS.
10:56 PM -- Chris Matthews thought that weird, stiff, creepy refuse-reality speech was "charming." Oh my god.
11:02 PM -- Tim Russert: "There are 220,000 outstanding votes in Indiana, all from Obama strongholds. You do the math."
11:13 PM -- And then a long, kind of sad Russert-Matthews about Obama assuming Hillary's campaign debts and putting her on the ticket. But then Russert says Obama will hold out, because he doesn't really need her.
11:14 PM -- Now a late-night panel! Pat Buchanan was dragged from a nearby pub and is speaking in Latin. Good Night, until we get some Indiana Resolution! Thank you, Wonkette Readers and Commenters. This campaign is all about YOU. Your hopes, your dreams, your kinky fucking ideaa.