Donate

CNN: 'No Indication Obama Tried To Surrender'

News

Hooray for CNN.com! The world's favorite "comedy news" site informed us that Barack Obama apparently made no effort to surrender before he was shot dead by American spy-assassins. Way to keep it real, Obama!


Any other fun we should mention from last night? The Fox News website congratulated President Bush for personally killing an Arab, so that was cool.

Area prick Eric Cantor commended Obama, sort of, by putting out a statement that said, "I commend President Obama who has followed the vigilance of President Bush in bringing Bin Laden to justice."

Uh, yeah. Because "bringing Bin Laden to justice" is just what we thought when we heard "assassinated and dumped off a ship." And "the vigilance of President Bush" is exactly how we remember "eight years of ceaseless war and death that never even achieved the stated goal of capturing Osama bin Laden."

Thanks to Wonkette operatives "Cheeto Jeebus" and chascates!

$
Donate with CC

Donald Trump held another great big slob picnic in Orlando, Florida, last night, where he "announced" the "start" of his 2020 campaign, which will be exactly like his 2016 campaign except for the minor detail that he's actually been in the White House since 2017, which is really a bummer, man. Still, it's no reason he can't run as an outsider who vows to protect everyday Americans who believe he's just like them. The rally was a mishmash of the same damn shit he's said a million times before, and the rubes loved almost every minute of it except for the boring parts when he talked about stuff he's supposedly achieved in office, because not even his supporters care about trade policy or tariffs. They want an enemy, and they want to be told they and Trump will destroy that enemy together because they are the real Americans. So that's what Trump gave them, again and again, a feast of fear and resentment designed to get them to the polls. It was enough in 2016, and Trump thinks it'll do the job in 2020.

If there was anything new in the speech -- which was mostly Trump reading from a teleprompter, plus the expected weirdass asides -- nobody has identified it. He complained about the press and the crowd chanted "CNN sucks," and he explained what a threat to the nation Hillary Clinton is -- in fact, he mentioned her eight times during the 80-minute rant.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

Spinal Tap - Gimme Some Money

Some dick is suing your Wonkette! If you are able, will you please send money?

1. Pick "just once" or "monthly."

2. Pick an amount, like say "all of the money."

3. Click "paypal" if you are paypal or "stripe" if you are not paypal.

4. MONEY.

5. Carry on with your day, and with new posts below!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc