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CNN: 'No Indication Obama Tried To Surrender'

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Hooray for CNN.com! The world's favorite "comedy news" site informed us that Barack Obama apparently made no effort to surrender before he was shot dead by American spy-assassins. Way to keep it real, Obama!


Any other fun we should mention from last night? The Fox News website congratulated President Bush for personally killing an Arab, so that was cool.

Area prick Eric Cantor commended Obama, sort of, by putting out a statement that said, "I commend President Obama who has followed the vigilance of President Bush in bringing Bin Laden to justice."

Uh, yeah. Because "bringing Bin Laden to justice" is just what we thought when we heard "assassinated and dumped off a ship." And "the vigilance of President Bush" is exactly how we remember "eight years of ceaseless war and death that never even achieved the stated goal of capturing Osama bin Laden."

Thanks to Wonkette operatives "Cheeto Jeebus" and chascates!

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If there is anything that right-wing men seem to love, it is paying lots and lots of money to other dudes who will tell them how to live and/or function.

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Screenshot- Laura Ingraham Show

According to Rachel Campos Duffy, former reality TV personality and current Fox News personality, migrant baby jails are better than the "Projects". And she totally knows this for fact because she has a "black friend" who told her so. This totally mysterious black friend enlightened her on the horrors faced by black people in black places, which makes it perfectly okay for Trumpco to lock away those "privileged" brown babies. Also, stop being mean to her for spewing that hot garbage on the Laura Ingraham (who believes baby jails are like "Summer Camp") show, because it's not fair that you refuse to believe she has a black friend.

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