Screenshot, CBC

There is NO BOTTOM! Just as we're thanking our lucky stars for Fox blonde Heather Nauert's nanny issues -- very on brand for a reporter who made her name bashing illegals and howling about creeping Sharia law -- Trump proves that he can always go lower. America, meet Ambassador Both Sides, your new representative at the United Nations.

REPORTER: Do you, yourself, believe in climate change?

CRAFT: I believe there are sciences on both sides that are accurate.

REPORTER: You believe there's science that proves that man is not causing climate change?

CRAFT: Well, I think that both sides have, you know they have, their own, umm ... results from their studies. And I appreciate and I respect both sides of the science.

Spoken like the true billionaire wife of the third largest coal producer in the East! Between the 2016 campaign and Trump's 2017 inauguration, Kelly and Joe Craft donated $2 million to GOP causes. They'd originally supported Marco Rubio, but switched to Trump after he agreed to keep Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell in place -- the Crafts had paid good money for those two, and they were still amortizing the investment. The couple followed up by giving former EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt box seats to a Kentucky basketball game while the grifting environmental regulator was considering how best to gut the Obama-era coal laws. In fact, Joe Craft, who bankrolled Pruitt's political career in Oklahoma, met 14 times with the EPA head before he finally took his used Trump spunk mattress and shuffled off back to Tulsa. (Just kidding, Pruitt never did get his prized splooge mattress. But not for lack of trying!)

In July of 2017, Trump appointed the lovely Mrs. Craft ambassador to Canada, where she promptly assured her hosts that, although Trump has called global warming a hoax perpetrated by the Chinese, America wants to "better our environment and to maintain the environment," just like Canada. Only, we want to do it by spewing as much coal ash as possible into the atmosphere!

Craft's diplomatic experience is limited, although she did rack up enough donations to merit an appointment by George W. Bush to the UN diplomatic mission in 2007. Her main political experience -- aside from bankrolling GOP candidates -- seems to be as an advocate for Kentucky horse racing and basketball. Which is an odd fit for the UN, but she did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night. Oh, but we are to kid on a Monday morning! Mr. and Mrs. Craft stay at only five star establishments. Places like the Trump Hotel in Washington, DC. In fact, the Crafts stayed there A LOT. The Washington Post reports:

The Crafts ... have been repeat, high-paying customers at Trump's hotel in Washington, according to a list of "VIP Arrivals" distributed to hotel staff on June 19, 2018. That list, obtained by The Washington Post, was intended to help staff identify the Trump International Hotel's most important customers as they checked in.

The Crafts were listed as gold-level members of the Trump Card rewards program when they checked in for a three-day stay. They were also described as "high-rate" customers, and their listing bore the notation R(20), which former Trump Hotels employees have said indicates customers who've stayed at least 20 times. That was an unusually high number among the hundreds of Trump hotel guests whose VIP listings have been reviewed by The Post.

Yeah, we're a-faintin' from shock over here.

The Post goes on to report that the job requirements for Trump's United Nations ambassador were (1) VAGINA, (2) previous Senate confirmation, and (3) security clearance. Because apparently the UN is a girl job now, so best to make her hubby happy by parking that coal ditz in there. It keeps Coalbux flowing into GOP coffers, while ensuring that Mike Pompeo and John Bolton can start as many splendid little wars as they like without interference. Nikki Haley insisted on having the status of a Cabinet member, and was wont to think her own ideas. But there's no danger of that with Miss Kelly!

So, Congratulations, Ambassador Craft. Surely you will go down as one of the great UN Ambassadors, like Madeleine Albright, Bill Richardson, Richard Holbrooke, Samantha Power, Susan Rice, and ...

LOL, yeah, we're fucked.

[WaPo / Macleans / NYT]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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