Guys, we are not certain, but we think that perhaps after being hauled behind closed doors in Congress for the second time in two weeks for the sole purpose of getting molested by Jim Jordan and Mark Meadows, Jim Comey may be a little bit OVER IT.

We know extremely stupid people like the current president of the United States believe Comey is a Deep State Hillary Clinton operative, which is pretty funny considering how it was he who threw a wrench into the 2016 election IN LATE OCTOBER by telling Congress he was currently mainlining some new Hillary emails with his rock hard boner in his hand. But we will understand why paint-huffers like the president and his lawyer might think Comey's not on their side, after his comments yesterday.

Awwww, Rudy is 10% right, for once in his allegedly syphilitic life! That has become a verb, because of the thing we just mentioned, namely how Comey interfered in the last election and helped Donald Trump win! All the stuff about Michael Flynn getting set up is dumber than expired dogshit, though.

So what did Comey SAY? Oh, just stuff.

James Comey: Someone Has To Stand Up For The FBI, 'Rule Of Law' | MSNBC

"So another day of Hillary Clinton emails and the Steele dossier," Comey told reporters following his testimony. "This while the president of the United States is lying about the FBI, attacking the FBI and attacking the rule of law in this country. How does that make any sense at all?"

Yeah, James? Tell us about the Michael Flynn stuff, James!

"This is the President of the United States calling a witness, who has cooperated with his own Justice Department, a rat. Say that again to yourself at home and remind yourself where we have ended up. [...] We have to stop being numb to it; whether you're Republican or Democrat, stand on your feet, overcome your shame and say something."

It's hard to tell from the transcript, but if you watch the video, you will see that Comey was MAD. Also, Comey knows that one of the signature features of "rats" is that they tell the truth, which is why mob bosses (like the ones Comey used to prosecute) really hate them.

Say more swears, Jimmy!

Republicans used to understand that the actions of a president matter, the words of a president matter, the rule of law matters and the truth matters. Where are those Republicans today?

They dead.

No seriously, though, we are not sure what time Comey is referring to, when Republicans were super-concerned about the rule of law or the truth. We've been around Republicans for almost four decades and it's pretty much always just been racism and bullshit economic theories.

Anything else, Jamie?

At some point, someone has to stand up and in the face of fear of Fox News, fear of their base, fear of mean tweets, stand up for the values of this country and not slink away into retirement, but stand up and speak the truth. I find it frustrating to be here answering questions about things that are far less important than the values this country is built upon.


LOL as if that barely sentient windsock is going to stand up for patriotism and American values during his last two years in office, pardon this Tennessee voter while he LAFFS.

But sure, OK, whatever! Tell us more about Republicans, Jimberly McSaucy Britches!

People who know better, including Republican members of this body, have to have the courage to stand up and speak the truth, not be cowed by mean tweets or fear of their base. There is a truth and they're not telling it. Their silence is shameful.

We are glad we had this talk, James Comey! We still don't particularly like you as a human, but we are willing to give you credit when you flap your yap in the good way! So ... good flap-yappin', bro!

Anything to say in response, Press Secretary Lies-A-Lot, who only does press briefings once a month now because she's lazy as fuck?

Go fuck yourself, gutter troll.

[Politico / CNN]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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