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Comics Curmudgeon Comes Crawling Back To Your Wonkette

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Hey, everybody, have you heard about the "mancession"? Now that Sarah Palin has ended sexism forever, as the economy slowly recovers all the ladies are getting elite media jobs or just stone cold finding fun, non-blogging things to do with their lives, because of their people skills and lack of body odor. Meanwhile, dudes are forced to do terrible demeaning tasks for their hobo bean money, like masturbating turkeys and writing jokes about Chuck Grassley's Twitter. Anyway, long story short, I, Josh Fruhlinger, your Comics Curmudgeon, will be WINNING THE MORNING two mornings a week here at Wonkette, if by "winning" you mean "writing dick jokes about politics during," and I can't really imagine any other way you might construe that verb, can you? Also, your beloved Cartoon Violence will be running alternate Fridays, starting up again May 7. OK? OK! Please send tips to the tips line on my mornings especially, because I do not have cable.
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Roger Stone, you got some 'splainin' to do, Mister! Remember all those times Stone swore on his Nixon tattoo that he never had any contact with Russians, wasn't a campaign surrogate, and wasn't tipped off to stolen DNC emails in advance? Like that time he told the Washington Post:

"I've never been to Russia. I didn't talk to anybody who was identifiably Russian during the two-year run-up to this campaign," he said. "I very definitely can't think of anybody who might have been a Russian without my knowledge. It's a canard."

Stone told the House Intelligence Committee the same thing last September, but, LOL FUNNY STORY! Seems that Stone just plum forgot about that time in May, 2016 when Trump communications advisor Michael Caputo asked him to meet with Henry Greenberg, "a man with a Make America Great Again hat and a viscous Russian accent." The Washington Post reports, Greenberg was offering sexxxxy Russian dirts on Hillary Clinton, which Stone and Caputo were only too happy to grab by the pussy. But they just couldn't get there!

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Congressman Beto O'Rourke, who hopes to replace Ted Cruz in the US Senate this fall, is one of several Texas and El Paso leaders participating in a march to the just-opened tent city at the US/Mexico border in Tornillo, Texas, where children have already been imprisoned "placed."

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