Condoleezza Rice just signed a $2.5 million contract to write three books about 1) her years in the Bush Administration and 2) her life. It will be so awesome to read about all the terrible throwdowns she got into drunk, and that time she engaged in acrack-fueled confrontation with Ohio cops and got arrested for a bunch of felonies, and that other time she got a root canal WITHOUT ANESTHESIA because she knew she'd go back on the sauce if she had just a whiff of narcotics.
And then she will have to tearfully confess on Oprah that actually her life was pretty boring, she never actually was Secretary of State, or even a black woman, and is in fact just another invention of a boring white author who knew the market is far kinder to nonfiction.
But for serious: Crown, a division of Random House, will publish Rice's account of her years in the White House, during which she was completely steamrollered by Cheney and his goons and, as National Security Adviser, resolutely refused to tell the president anything except, "Bomb everything."
Rice's second book will be about her life, which was mostly full of piano-playing and solitary exercise. Her third book will be a young-adult version of the second one, so that George Bush will have something to read on the treadmill.
Crown also published "The Audacity of Hope," a hastily written memoir by Barack Obama.
